I’m finishing up this week’s theme of dating tips with my most ambitious list of tips yet: 101 Dating Tips. Included are links to 101 dating blogs that can help you learn more about dating, online dating, relationships, romance and the dreaded breakup.
This is definitely dating advice from a man’s perspective, though I’ve tried to include an equal number of dating suggestions for our female readers. For instance, I have just as many womens dating sections as mens dating sections, while I’ve tried to offer date ideas and breakup advice that both men and women will find useful. If it isn’t, I bet you can find what you’re looking for in one of the 100+ websites I’m directing you to. So enjoy the following dating resource.
Dating Tips for Both Sexes
These are dating suggestions for people who have been dating longer than once or twice. Actually, this dating advice tends to encompass the entire dating relationship and not just the date portion of it.
1. Listen To Your Dating Partner – Don’t just talk about yourself all the time. Listen to what they have to say. This doesn’t mean to hear what they say and then talk about something else, but to listen and understand what they say.
2. Communicate – Along those lines, respond to what your date says. Don’t just say, “Uh huh” and “Yeah”, but actually offer feedback. Good communication is dynamic communication, where both sides of the dialogue get something from the talk.
3. Don’t Get Serious Too Fast – People have a need for companionship. When they find it, they often want to cement that companionship, causing them to get serious too fast. This is true of all ages, but none moreso than the youthful. Youth is meant to see the world and gain experience in that world, so don’t move too fast.
4. Avoid The “First Time” Trap – Your first sex partner probably won’t be your last. Most people these days don’t spend their lives with the first person they have sex with. I knew several guys growing up who went this direction, seemingly out of gratitude for the first girl who would go to bed with them. Don’t fall into this trap. There is more than one person in this world who finds you sexually attractive. It’s just that simple.
5. Sex Is Not the End All – Don’t think I’m encouraging people to sleep around. I’m just saying you shouldn’t confuse gratitude for the first sex you’ve ever had with true love. They may come together, but they might not. Wait awhile to see if you really care for this person before you go to the next level. There’s nothing wrong with waiting for sex. If it’s true love, it will be just as special (if not moreso) if you wait.
6. Be Magnanimous – No, this isn’t a euphimism for sex. I’m saying you should have some understanding and empathy for your date. He or she is probably nervous and trying to impress you. Unless you’re dealing with a pickup artist, you probably aren’t getting the best performance your date is ever going to give. Understand how awkward and nervous you feel and give your date a break if he or she doesn’t perform up to expectations.
7. Stay Positive – Unless it’s a truly rare occasion, a date is not the time for you to discuss your family problems or how your sexist boss. Stay positive and upbeat, because that’s attractive. Certainly, once you’ve been dating a while, you can bounce cares and concerns off your partner. But even then, a date is a time for the two of you to get out, have fun, be entertained and blow off steam. Bringing in all the problems of the world messes your time away from all that mess.
8. Avoid Drama – Some people watch so many Hollywood movies that they don’t feel like they have a full romance unless they’re fighting all the time. Keep in mind that, just because you fight like a couple in a movie, you won’t have the happy ending written for you. Most couples that fight all the time are miserable and then they break up, so avoiding fights and getting along is a much better way to date than having huge arguments and frequent breakups – unless you’re in a movie.
9. Understand It Won’t Always Be This Way – If you are dating in college, understand that you’ll eventually have more money when you get out in the workforce. Money puts big stress on a relationship, when college should be one of the most carefree of your life. The truth is, money equals freedom to do what you want, so college students often don’t have as much freedom as they think. If the two of you love one another but fight over money, consider sticking it out and give it a try once you get real jobs.
10. Avoid Life Decisions In Your School Years – There’s so much of life yet to live. Avoid making huge life decisions like marriage and families until you’re out of school a few years. People often get engaged or married when they go to college or right after they get out of college. Both of these times are major transition periods in your life and you or your partner is likely to change a lot during these years. Get settled into your career before making a decision on your spouse.
Dating Tips for Men
I’m going to talk mainly here about how a man attracts women and how a man should act to be attractive to women.
11. Be Confident – This is the absolute #1 trait a guy needs to attract women. Everything else is secondary. If you appear to have confidence, they assume you must have something going for you.
12. Keep Them Guessing – Don’t be a pushover for women. If you agree to everything she says, you are easy to figure out. She knows she has you. Women like a mystery. Make sure that she doesn’t entirely figure out where you’re coming from and she’ll be more interested in you.
13. Good or Bad Isn’t the Point – It’s a preconceived notion that women like bad boys. That’s not necessarily the case, though bad boys tend to be confident and unpredictable. That’s the lesson you need to learn: not that you have to be a jerk. Attraction is about making a person want to know more about you, and when you project that you’re uncertain of yourself and easily manipulated by women, they already know all they need to know about you.
14. Compliment Them in Intriguing Ways – Don’t mention how beautiful her eyes are, because she hears that all the time. Say something specific about her eyes. Compliment something she said instead of her beauty. Even give the qualified compliment (that is, humorous or back-handed compliment), because these stand out from the crowd. You don’t have to give “the neg”, but be different in some way.
15. Different Is Good – There was a study once that said the guy with the weirdest Halloween costume or the most unique clothes in a room gets more attention from women. Being different shows a certain amount of confidence and adds an air of mystery. I’m not suggesting you be a freak, because women like men who care enough to care about their own appearance. I’m saying you should look nice, but stand out, because that shows you’re comfortable in your own skin.
16. Display Your Sexuality – You might think I’m talking about sexuality as it applies to women. But men’s sexuality manifests in a different way: as masculinity. Display classic masculine traits and women will be attracted to you. Take up space. Have good posture and keep your head up at all times. Drape your arm or leg on the chair next to you. Walk with long, confident strides, but do so in a slow, smooth fashion. Displaying your masculinity displays confidence in your masculinity, too.
17. Be a Man – The attraction between the sexes is based on the attraction between a man and a woman. That may seem redundant, but what I’m saying is there are basic differences in a man and a woman and attraction is about each other exploring those differences again and again. Being a guy may seem mundane to you, but masculinity is more of a mystery to women – especially women who are just entering the dating community. Keep in mind, if the two of you have just started dating, you’re as much of a mystery to her as she is to you.
18. Don’t Talk About the Money – Don’t talk about how much you’ve spent on the dinner. Be confident that she can read the prices on the menu just as well as you can. To paraphrase and old saying, even though they know the strings are there, don’t let them see the strings.
19. Be Fun To Be Around – Women like to be entertained, too. Find something about you that women will be attracted to and go with that. Are you the guy with lots of friends? Are you the guy that throws the parties? Are you the life of the party? There are all kinds of ways to make yourself fun to be around. Find what works for you and go with it.
20. Be Funny – Don’t be silly and don’t be goofy, but be charming and funny. Women like a man who can make them laugh.
Dating Tips for Women
Women can falls into dating traps as well as men, so here are a few gentle reminders for those single women out there about the best ways to please men. Once again, being attractive, self-assured and positive are big advantage, while dressing down, not taking up for yourself and being over-critical are huge turnoffs. This is common sense, but then, I’ve noticed that people often forget their common sense when they start to date.
21. Have a Good Attitude – Dating is funnest when both people have a good attitude about it. Dating is about socializing and enjoying one another’s company, so try to approach a date with that attitude. When you don’t have expectations besides an entertaining night out on the town, you and he can relax and have some fun. Worry about the rest of the stuff later.
22. Don’t Tip Your Hand – For those non-gamblers, that’s a poker term, meaning you shouldn’t show your cards to the other players. Don’t reveal more information than you have to, because guys love the mystery of a woman. Men tend to idealize the women they’re attracted to, which works to a woman’s advantage. When a woman tells them about their crazy family, their abusive ex-fiance and their hidden tattoos, that information usually kills the illusion. If you have a love connection, there’s time for that later.
23. Never Talk About the Ex-Boyfriend – This is just a huge turn-off for guys. If you must, don’t talk about the sexual prowess of your former boyfriends. There are some guys that will like that kind of talk, but you are playing the odds if you decide that most guys are going to be turned on by that. It really kind of kills the moment to picture you in bed with some strange dude.
24. Shut Off Possessive Men Instantly – You have to set the tone early in the relationship, if you want to get the upper hand. If he starts acting jealous and overpossessive in the least, let him no in no uncertain terms that the jealous act won’t work. Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile. If he doesn’t back off, then you should back out of the dating relationship. Period.
25. Don’t Mention Kids – Most women want children, but it’s not a good policy to start talking about wanting children in the first few dates. That’s something to talk about much later. It’s a different story if you have children from a previous relationship, but you don’t want to make that the cornerstone of your date talk. Before he learns to have affection for your kids, he has to learn to have affection for you. That means you need to focus on you and him first.
26. Look Gorgeous – Men like women who dress themselves up nice. Men like gorgeous women, because that’s what femininity is about to most of them. So whether you have a lot of money or not much money, make sure you look your best on your dates. Men like to be proud of their dates.
27. Only Take the Tomboy Routine So Far – Guys love women who can talk sports and “be one of the guys”. But in the end, guys like women because they are feminine. Most of us have plenty of guys to talk sports with, so you’re most attractive to us when you are being feminine.
28. Don’t Be Too Available – Whether you’re dating a man or woman, don’t let yourself be taken for granted. Occasionally shut down his plans, if he expects you to see him any particular night of the week. Set up early the expectation that you have a life outside your relationship and you head off problems in the future. A woman with other options is more desirable, anyway. While I’ve warned about jealous men, a little pinch of (unspoken) jealousy doesn’t hurt.
29. Know What He Wants – Believe it or not, men going on a first date often have a love interest in mind. Men are romantic, too, and they tend to get in their heads that every first date could turn into something bigger. It’s part of our culture, where most romantic comedies start with a man and woman who are friends first, then turn it into something deeper. We’re conditioned, both men and women, to believe that casual dating can turn into love. So don’t encourage him unless you want the same thing.
30. Avoid Criticism – Don’t nag or criticize your man too much. That is extremely damaging to his ego. If your date is always criticizing your actions, then what are other people thinking? That’s the thought process that goes through guys’ minds. Besides, people are attracted to positivity and are repulsed by negativity. So when you are being critical of everything he says and does, you are actually being unattractive to men.
Frugal Dating Tips
If you are young and have no money or old and have too little money, cheap dating tips are as important as creative dating tips. It’s best to combine the two when you are a frugal dater. In fact, I would suggest you talk as little about money as possible and focus on the possibilities that open up when you use your imagination for dating. Take these as suggestions that might spark your own creativity.
31. Less Is More – One trick to a cheaper date is having a shorter date. If things are going well, then you leave your date wanting more. If things went badly, then you get out with the least embarrassment and money spent possible.
32. Cook For Her – If you have any cooking skills and you have a kitchen to yourself, cook dinner for her. This makes a much bigger impression than taking her to TGIF. It’s more personal. It’s also cheaper. If a guy wants to seem masculine, simply cook a man’s meal out on a grill. Cooking dinner works for women, too. Either way, you get to show off skills.
33. Stay In and Do the Home Spa – Buy an inexpensive home spa kit or a shiatsu massage device. Then give your loved one the home spa treatment. Everyone loves being pampered every once in a while, and this lets you have a sensual experience while doing so. Add in a backyard or living room picnic and you change up the routine just enough to add a little spark.
34. Find Local Student Culture – Local universities are great for cheap entertainment. If you have a local college, you’ll find not only their athletics but their arts departments put on cheap shows all the time: free concerts, free plays and free festivals of all sorts. You’ll be entertained by talented young people for a little bit of nothing.
35. Go To a Comedy Club – Concerts and professional sporting events can be expensive, but local comedy clubs are usually a lot more affordable. People love to laugh and this can be just the type of night out on the town the two of you need.
36. Live Music & Meal – Check out your local newspaper and publications for restaurants that offer live musical performances. Most cities will have these, and you get free entertainment with your meals. They say that known acts are being booked in the suburbs of the big cities now, to accomodate the growing populations there, so you don’t have to drive into the heart of the city to get this kind of entertainment anymore.
37. Exchange Personal Culture – Have dinner at the house together, but each download 5-10 songs you want as background music. Set these on random play and share your favorite songs of the moment with one another.
38. Home Concert – If you can’t afford a real concert, rent a concert video and have a living room picnic where you listen to a concert you would like to be at. This might not be the same as the real thing, but if make the presentation good with wine and cheese (or your favorite picnic goodies), the two of you can have a different experience than your average date.
39. Letterbox Scavenger Hunt – Letterboxing is a hobby where people hide “letterboxes”, usually buried somewhere in the landscape. They then place clues online for other letterbox hunters to trace. You find the letterbox, use the letter stamp inside to mark your letterbox album with proof, then rebury the object. Another possibility is you carry a letter stamp with you and stamp the letterbox with your stamp. Either way, you have a nice little adventure, complete with clues and deductive reasoning, for your date. http://www.letterboxing.org/
40. Pick Out Greeting Cards – If you really have no money, go to the local Target or Hallmark store and pick out the greeting cards you would buy for one another – if you had money. Simply enjoy reading all the funny cards with one another, made personal by your own personal selections. If you have $5, buy the cards and sign a personal, loving message to one another in them. It doesn’t have to be a special occasion for this to work.
Online Dating Tips
Online dating has its own challenges and rewards. Meeting someone online and starting to date them might have its own pitfalls, so there are specific dating suggestions to keep in mind.
41. Don’t Reveal Personal Information – Do not give out your home address and other personal information about this person. Safe that for later, when you know more about the person.
42. Be Suspect – Don’t just assume everything he or she says is the 100% truth. No matter how charming this person seems on instant messager and email, they could be exaggerating or outright lying to you. Don’t take what they say as fact. Make them prove themselves to you.
43. Date Locally – Just because you can meet people anywhere in the world does not mean you should begin a romance with someone on the other side of the world. Long distance relationships are rough on a person – take it from someone with experience. Most dating sites allow you to set preferences for your home city or region, and I would suggest you use that option. There will still be a huge dating pool in the online dating community.
44. Only Meet If You Feel It’s Right – Don’t let yourself be pressured into a premature meeting if it doesn’t feel right to you. No matter what your reasons, if you have hesitations, then you are right to have those hesitations. Always take the side of caution until you have more information, if you have any kind of question at all.
45. Play The Numbers – Don’t get your heart set on one person immediately. Play the field and let the odds tilt in your favor. The great thing about the anonymity and casual nature of online flirting is that nobody gets hurt if you move on to the next profile.
46. Use a Good Picture – Silly pictures are probably not the best way to show yourself off to the world. Pictures of a man in a ballerina costume won’t attract women. Guys caressing their pet alligators are a turn-off. Women posing with exotic male dancers are not going to attract many guys. Put a good (possibly professional) photo of yourself.
47. Write a Good Profile – Write a personal dating profile that describes you and shows off the fun side of you, and use as much brevity as possible. Make yourself stand out without seeming odd. Show off your personality and your personal tastes. Avoid pretentious quotes, unless they really sum up your attitude towards the world.
48. Be Honest – Don’t fabricate about your life, your looks or your job. If you honestly hope to meet someone for a dating relationship, it’s going to do you know good if you’re 20 years older and weigh 60 pounds more when you show up for the first date. This is hard to avoid, but it will save you trouble in the long run.
49. Don’t Tell Everything – If you want to save for later that you’ve been married four times, then simply mention that you are just getting out of a relationship. Don’t lie, but keep secrets that you consider prejudicing. This only so far, of course, generally at the point of legal convictions and whatnot. If you have been the victim of circumstance in relationships, it’s alright to wait until an appropriate time to explain this to a dating partner.
50. Be Specific About Your Intentions – Those who want a serious relationship should mention it from the beginning. Those who want to date casually or just be friends should do the same. If all you’re looking for is a sexual relationship, that, too, should be entered on your profile. The great advantage of “search engine dating” and “profile dating” is that you get better results the more specific you are.
Long Term Dating Tips
After you date for a while, things start to get into a routine. When the newness wears off, that’s when eyes start to wander and relationships begin to falter. So try to keep a little creativity, spontenaity and spark in the relationship by tricking things up every once in a while. Here are some ideas.
51. Use the Bag Of Dates – If you can’t agree on dates or your dating routine has grown stale, play a dating game called the “Bag of Dates”. Write on pieces of paper different date ideas and then pick from the bag. Each of you list 5-10 ideas and then mix them up and pick from the grab bag. Here are the types of ideas you might consider.
52. Thrift Dating – This is a dating game that’s growing in popularity. Go to a local thrift shop, each with a $10 in hand. Buy an article of clothing for your date, with the stipulation that you each have to wear what the other buys. Then go somewhere public for your date. You’ll get some looks and some laughs, assuming the two of you go crazy with what you buy.
53. Rent a Room – Rent a room at a cheap hotel for that sense of adventure you’ve been missing. This is what couples generally do when they’re cheating on each other, so the hotel room adds a sense of the illicit to your date. This doesn’t have to be a really cheap hotel room if that kills it for you.
54. Celebrate the Relationship – Have a nostalgic date at the place you had your first date. This doesn’t have to come on an anniversary or other special occasion. Just do it. Usually, you had less money to spend earlier in your life, so this setting is likely to be a lot cheaper than what you’re used to, but you still get the feeling of shared nostalgia and rekindling your love together.
55. Double Date Shopping War – Turn life into cheesy reality show competition. Get into a competition with another couple you know. Each of you go to the mall and divide up into two teams with $10 or so apiece. See who can buy the best item in the mall with this money, and make sure they get the receipt as proof. If this might cause a strain on your relationship, divide up into guys/girls teams. Add extra couples if that adds to the fun.
56. Become Stalkers – Go to the mall or another public place and follow people. The two of you follow a person as they shop, trying not to be noticed. Once either one of you is noticed, choose someone else and see where this takes you. It’s fun observing people and playing with their minds a little bit. The two of you are sure to get some laughs, but do try to avoid confrontations.
57. Take a Road Trip – Choose another town within either a 30 minute or 1 hour radius. Take a road trip to that town, complete with meal and whatever other sites there might be. Ask the locals what’s interesting in their town when you get to the restaurant. The old-fashioned road trip is a good way to add a sense of adventure to a date.
58. Nude Dating – Stay in for the night, with the stipulation that everything is done either in your underwear or in nothing at all. This is great for the grabbag dating, since the spontenaity of it is key. Nude dating almost has to end well.
59. Active Listening & the Stars – “Active listening” is when a person makes a conscious effort to listen to what their conversation partner is saying. Find a nice, quiet spot under the stars and go for a nice, relaxing talk. Yes, guys, listen to what your woman has to say. The night sky tends to make people thoughtful, or at least puts them in a peaceful frame of mind.
60. Get Some Culture, Man – Go out to the local art or history museum. If you don’t do this normally, it’s good for you and good for your relationship. Your girlfriend will feel like you’re experiencing something new and you’re really only having to walk around and stare at the wall for an hour or two. And you’ll probably see some really cool artwork for a pretty affordable price. You’ll score major points with this.
First Date Tips For Women
Once again, I’m more concerned about a woman’s safety than about her being able to pick up men. I can give dating tips for women from a man’s perspective, but I think women know their business a lot better than I know their business. I may be falling into the trap of encouraging guys and discouraging girls, but the fact is that guys are easy. Male hormones mean they’re likely to go about as far as you let them, so the woman usually has to be the responsible one. In other words, you have to be the adult in the relationship.
61. Women Should Date in Packs – If you don’t know the guy very well enough to trust him, make your first date a group event. You get to know him better, but if he turns out to be a creep, you can end it safely.
62. Check In With a Friend – Sometime during the date, check in with a friend to let them know you’re doing alright and things are going fine. This might seem contradictory to the “No Cellphone” rule, but this is a matter of safety. Make it short and sweet. Have a codephrase for a date you need to be extracted from. But make a call.
63. Don’t Talk About Your Ex-Boyfriend – Very few times is this going to make you more attractive to a guy. In fact, this is going to send up red flags that you still have feelings for this person.
64. Carry Some Cash – Don’t go out expecting that everything is going to be fine and he’s going to pay for everything. Even in these progressive times, that’s often the assumption. But you don’t want to be in the position of either spending all night with a guy you suddenly realise isn’t quite right, or trying to find your way across town in the night without any money for a cab. Carry cash, so don’t have to worry about getting out.
65. Watch Your Drink Always – Whether you are drinking liquor, tea or soft drinks, watch your glass at all times. Don’t lose control of the date by drinking something you didn’t know you were drinking. Date rape is a concern and you should take every precaution to avoid a date rape situation. Do not let him go to the bar to get the two of you drinks.
66. Don’t Be Afraid To Say “No” – Learn to say no and learn that there’s nothing wrong with saying no. Get guys used to the fact that you’ll say no. If they don’t seem alright with that, move on to someone who is cool about a woman asserting herself. It’s your decision and don’t feel guilty about it. Just because he’s spent time and money on a date or series of dates does not entitle him. That’s all there is to it – end of argument.
67. Don’t Pester Him – When you had a good time on a first date and would like to have a second, call him a few days after and thank him for the date. Don’t call the next day and don’t call multiple times. If he wants a second date, then a call about the first date is a perfect opening for him to invite you. If he’s not interested, no amount of calls is going to get him to ask you out again. And certainly, you can ask him out, but he might feel pressured into saying yes instead of going out because he wants to, which means you’ll be wasting your time.
68. Be Yourself – Don’t pretend to be something you’re not to please him. Don’t get drug into sex talk if it makes you feel uncomfortable. Don’t pidgeon-hole yourself as an innocent virgin if you don’t want to play that role the rest of the relationship. Just be yourself and you’ll be happier with the results. The fact is, most guys are attracted to a woman because they are attracted to the woman, and they will accept a woman who is honestly being herself.
69. Accept His Compliments – When a guy on a first date gives you a compliment, the best reply is a sincere “Thank you”. Be flattered and let it go at that. Don’t make a backhanded reply or try to belittle his compliment, even if it’s not the most original. Also, don’t use this as an excuse to tell a story about how you got that dress he just complimented – no guy’s is interested in that. A thank-you shows confidence and self-assuredness about yourself. Quiet dignity is an attractive trait.
70. Go With Your Gut – In the end, listen to your instincts when dating a new guy. If you have any concerns, get out of the date. It’s not worth the risk to give a man the benefit of the doubt. There are plenty of handsome, mysterious men in the world that you should never take a chance that this one seems like bad news, but really isn’t.
First Date Tips For Guys
Guys going out on a first date are often completely lost. Keep it basic and keep it positive and you should do fine. The two most important dating tips you’ll learn is to remain confident (no matter what) and to have a good time. Do these things and your dates will probably find you attractive. In other words, just keep your cool, don’t put unwanted pressure on the woman and treat your date like you would a night out with friends. Well, except you need to wash up real nicely first.
71. Manage Her Expectations – I’m not saying you should make her think you’re going to be a disappointment. If you buy three dozen roses on the first date, she’s going to be disappointed if you do anything less later. So if you decide to buy her a flower, start out with one and work your way from there. If you increase later, she’ll appreciate it. That’s managing expectations.
72. Don’t Be Insecure – The more men are attracted to women, the more insecure they become about that woman’s attraction to him.
73. Be Cool – Women tend to be more casual about a first date than men, because they tend to view it as a chance to get to know one another better without strings attached. Guys attach a bunch of expectations to a first date: serious relationship, one-night stand, love. So when you first date a woman, be cool and don’t build up expectations. If it’s going to happen, it’s going to happen.
74. Be Comfortable Around Her – Don’t put out the vibe that you want to please her and you’ll bend over backwards to do so. Be comfortable enough with her that you can joke about what happens on the date, even if you make a gentle joke at her expense every once in a while. That is, don’t treat her like she’s already won your affection, even if she has. Women enjoy a bit of a challenge. It’s called playing “hard to get”, and it works for guys as well as girls. If you treat her are already serious about this relationship, it’s not going to be nearly as challenging and attractive to her as if you treat her as if you couldn’t care less what happens on the date. Treat her with respect, but don’t treat her with unconditional devotion.
75. Have a Good Time – Just enjoy the moment and take it for what it is: a chance to have a good time out on the town with an attractive woman.
76. Don’t Stoop To Please Her – Certainly, let her know you want to have a good time on the date and you want her to have a good time, but don’t act like every decision is just to please her. Going by the numbers, a women doesn’t want a guy who is hopelessly devoted to her. She wants a guy who is confident and self-assured enough that he can take it or leave it. That would be more interesting to you and it’s going to be more interesting to her.
77. Personality and Attitude Are Huge – Sure, if you have model good looks, women are going to like that a lot. But most guys don’t have model good looks, and most guys find women who are attracted to them. While women are attracted to men physically, they are attracted to men for other reasons, too. Having a good attitude and a good personality is absolutely huge. In fact, I’ve known guys that were just average (or below average) in looks that got by on charm and confidence. Woman aren’t as shallow as men and men who figure that out early are at a huge advantage.
78. Looks Matter, Too – What is more important: good looks or a good attitude? Somewhere in-between matters. If you don’t have classic good looks, you can take care of yourself by dressing nice, smelling nice and generally looking like you care your appearance. So don’t try to get by purely on attitude and personality. Mix in a little hygience and a fair amount of fashion, too. Take your appearance into account and make yourself as attractive to the opposite sex as you can be. Women will notice and give you points for trying.
79. If She Wants to Be Friends, That’s It – Finally, if you ask her out on a first date and she says she doesn’t want to ruin your friendship, that means she isn’t attracted to you. End of story. That’s it. If a woman isn’t attracted to you, confessing your love and writing love letters is only going to drive her away. It has nothing to do with her knowing how you feel. More knowledge is not better. This has to do with something as elemental as attraction, and if it’s not there, your words will only make matters worse. When she says she doesn’t want to mess up your friendship, she’s really say, “No, I don’t want to date you and, if you keep asking me out, I’ll stop being your friend.” That’s what it means. Be graceful, because you’re not going to win her heart with words.
80. Don’t Try to Figure Out Attraction – Which leads me to the final point here. Whether you’re dating a woman who you honestly think is too good looking for you, or you’re attracted to a woman who’s inexplicably attracted to another man, don’t even try to figure out the rules of attraction. Just go with it. She’s either into you or not into you. Ask her out for the first date. If she goes, then see what that leads to. Don’t have expectations. Don’t put your expectations on her. Don’t try to analyze or rationalize, because that path is a lonely and self-defeating path. Accept a woman’s affection for what it is, whether she has affection for you or your rival. In other words, whether you win or lose at love, win or lose with grace.
First Date Tips For Men & Women
These unisex dating tips go about equally well for both men and women. Some dating advice is universal. Most of it might be, given the right circumstances. But these in particular have to do with either basic human emotions or conventional etiquette. Essentially, this advice boils down to people like other pleasant people and people like those who show them a little courtesy.
81. Always Leave Them Wanting More – Don’t tell your life story on the first date. Don’t mention how bad your last relationship was. These are things you can talk about later in the relationship.
82. Smile – Smile and have fun on your first date. Dating is about going out with someone you find attractive and having a good time. So make that your goal on a first date.
83. Relax – The nerves on a first date are amazing, and sometimes that’s a good thing. But don’t get so nervous you ruin your first date and ruin your chances for a second date.
84. Avoid Alcohol – Some people try to get past #3 by drinking alcohol. That’s usually a bad idea. When guys and girls get a few drinks in them, what they say and do often becomes less attractive to others. And for women, they can place themselves in a dangerous situation if they drink to the level of impaired reasoning.
85. Dress Appropriately – Look like you’re trying to impress someone. A first date is often a lot like a job interview, and you wouldn’t go to a job interview looking less than 100%
86. Be On Time – Along the same lines, you wouldn’t show up for a job interview half-an-hour late. Punctuality is a matter of showing respect for the other person’s time. If you leave them waiting, you’re telling them your time is more precious than theirs.
87. Don’t Talk On the Cellphone – This is another matter of good manners. When you talk to friends over the phone on your date, you’re showing your priorities. And if you can’t set aside time to away from work that you can’t ignore a call at dinner or the movies, that’s sending a signal that you aren’t going to be very fun to date.
88. Have an Open Mind – Dating a new person isn’t about comparing them unfavorably to what’s come before, but about having new experiences. Revel in the new sights, sounds and smells of this new dating relationship. Learning a few new opinions and hearing a few new stories is probably good for you. Keep an open mind.
89. Don’t Get Heavy – Don’t talk about love and serious relationships too soon. I remember a friend who asked out a real cute girl in high school, whose parents started quizzing him about marriage when he went to pick her up. That might have been their intentions, but you can imagine he thought that was awfully strange and never asked her out again. The same applies if you get into the same subject on your first date.
90. Consider Going Dutch – Share the expenses of the first date, if you don’t want any expectations. In fact, you might consider going for coffee as a kind of pre-dating date, so you can get the measure of one another. I know that people like to impress other people by picking up the check, and this is a sensitive subject on a first date (not looking cheap), but it can relieve some of the expectations and pressures of a first date if both people are open-minded.
Tips For Breakups – How To Break Up
Breaking up is an art form, too. The fact of the matter is, most dating relationships come to an end. Some of them come to a really bad end. To avoid too much melodrama and stress at present and too many neurosis-producing memories and “baggage” in the future, here are some tips to remember when you’re going through a relationship break-up.
91. Your Happiness Does Not Depend On Others – The first thing to remember when you break up is that your happiness in life does not depend on your boyfriend or girlfriend. It’s going to seem like that at the time, but that isn’t the case. Your future happiness depends on you and what you put into your life.
92. Don’t Break Up Impersonally – Once you’ve been going out with a person long enough that it’s a relationship, do them the courtesy of breaking up face-to-face. Unless they’ve been violent to you in the past, they deserve that respect. Don’t phone in a breakup. Don’t send a Dear John letter. Don’t email a breakup letter. And certainly don’t text a breakup note.
93. Don’t Break Up At Your Place – If you’re going to break up with someone, don’t do it at your house or apartment. This puts the decision to leave in their hands, meaning you are likely to be breaking up all night long. People being dumped often try to bargain and you may end up going back on what you know is the right thing for you.
94. Don’t Break Up At Their Place – Also, have the decency not to break up at their place. This guy or girl is going to live every day and sleep every night for the foreseeable future in their home, so you don’t want to give them a reason to remember the breakup or the relationship every time they brush their teeth or watch tv. Make those memories somewhere else.
95. Break Up In Public – The right way to break up is to break up in public. This way, the person is less likely to become violent or verbally abusive. If they do, others will be there to intervene you if they get too emotional. You’re showing you care enough for their feelings to do this in person in a respectful manner, and hopefully not at the bar he goes to every night of the week.
96. Don’t Become a Stalker – If you are the one being broken up with, don’t become obsessive and creepy. If you honestly think the two of you can work out your differences or you want to stay together, let him or her know this. Letting them know this a hundred times is not likely to change their mind. In fact, their sympathy is likely to turn to annoyance and you’ll be further from a reconciliation than ever.
97. Date Again Sooner Rather Than Later – Go out on a date. Don’t set up expectations that you have to find the perfect love right off. That’s natural to hope for if you’ve just got out of a serious relationship, but it’s probably not going to happen. You probably don’t need it to happen right now. For the time being, get back in the game and remember how to have a little fun again.
98. Lean On Loved Ones – Don’t keep it bottled up. These are the times when friends and family are invaluable. Don’t be afraid to explain your hurt. Don’t be afraid to cry. Your friends will understand and you’ll feel better talking about it. The two of you will be closer when it’s all over.
99. Find Someone To Talk To – If you don’t have someone handy to talk to when you need a shoulder to cry on, find an online breakup forum which can provide some of the same comfort. These are people who have either been there or are there. I’ve provided an example in the link.
100. Don’t Spread Gossip – Don’t start telling all your friends the dirty secrets of your former relationship. This is going to hurt someone you used to care about and is likely to produce nasty blowback, where your ex starts telling your mutual friends all your dirty little secrets. It’s a bad idea.
101. Living Well Is the Best Revenge – I know it’s a cliche, but think about how much sense this makes. If this is the kind of person who keeps score, having a good life and a great relationship is the best way to make them eat their heart out. You’re happy and they know you’re beyond their power anymore. That’s a win-win for you.