50 Ideas to Spice Up Your Romance
Being creative in your relationship doesn’t have to be as complicated as it sounds. Romance is like a song: once you get used to the rhythm, even one extra note is enough to add something novel. Sure, it’s great to sweep your lover off his or her feet with something wild and extravagant, but being creative in your relationship doesn’t require sweeping gestures and huge expenses. In fact, just a touch of creativity breathes new life into an old relationship.
Romance is wonderful. But romance, if not cultivated, it can grow stale. Once “romance” isn’t dynamic and a little magical, it really isn’t romance anymore. So to keep a relationship alive and exciting, you need to be creative. We here at “Dating Zen” have made a list of ways you can boost your relationship, so pick one and give it a try. We’ll start with a few basic, general suggestions, then move on to more elaborate ways to be more creative in your relationship.
50 Ways To be Creative
1.Focus on Your Partner. Before you can be creative, you need to think about more than just your own needs and wants. Give a little thought to what your romantic partner might want in a relationship, then try to make that happen. Being more sensitive and romancing your partner is the first step.
2. Stop taking an argument too far. Old arguments are like fighting over the same ground in warfare: eventually, you’re just going to end up fighting over scorched earth. Sure, it’s hard to drop an argument when you’re angry, but after a while, you have to realize that a mind closes during an argument, and you’re not accomplishing anything but releasing frustration. The problem is, the feedback you get in an argument is just going to cause more frustration and resentment.
3. Embrace life changes. Don’t reflexively hate all change. I know it’s tough, because most people don’t like change – myself included. When one person in a relationship makes a drastic change such as a new job or hobby, it can affect the relationship. Try to learn to be supportive or the change will divide you both.
4. Change up some of your bad habits. If you nag, complain, or argue a lot, then cut back on it. Be more considerate of your partner and not so demanding. Sometimes, the sweetest sound is the sound of silence. Believe me, you’re partner will notice the effort.
5. When you are not together try out the webcam. Long-distance relationships stink, even if they’re only temporary. Webcams are a great way to see and talk to each other, even when you are apart. You can also get a little naughty with them.
6. Gifts are not limited to Valentine’s Day. A good way to keep up the romance is to occasionally give your partner a romantic gift. It’s going to mean more to him/her if you give a gift when it’s not expected. That shows you think about them when he or she isn’t around. Know what the person likes, though, so you are not just throwing money away.
7. Try giving foot rubs and massages. Pampering your love is a great way to show affection. You can even give your partner ‘foot rub coupons’ that they can cash in anytime. A foot rub or a massage is a great way to share intimacy without it being about sex.
8. Don’t fall into the same old relationship habits. Some people do the same things in one relationship after another, especially new ones. If those relationships failed, then do something different to avoid the same pitfalls. If hammering on a broken toaster doesn’t appear to fix it, you stop. So if you have habits that appear to make every relationship fail, break those habits.
9. Plan a romantic event. You should make plans ahead of time for a special romantic outing such as a night out in a hotel. Anticipation of a romantic night is sometimes just as good as the romantic night itself, and will add romance to the whole week. If staying home is more your speed, prepare a romantic dinner by candlelight. You can add in shiatsu massage, bubble baths, naked dining, taking turns serving one another – anything to trick things up a little bit.
10. Get your partner to share in the plans. It can be a little daunting if only one person is responsible for constantly coming up with new romantic plans. Make it a collaborative effort. By putting your heads together, the two of you might be able to come up with something new. Remember, don’t have a bad attitude about your partner’s contributions.
11. Keep up the physical contact. Touch is very personal and intimate. By continually making physical contact with a person, you are keeping a connection open. It can’t be all about no physical contact and then “jumping into the sack”. There are all levels of intimacy and the middle levels of intimacy are extremely important in a relationship.
12. Work through your problems. Every relationship has some stumbling blocks. By working through them and staying committed, you make the relationship stronger. When a problem comes up, try to talk your way through them. If it helps, have rules about raising voices at one another during a disagreement.
13. Take a break from the kids. If you have kids, especially little ones, they can demand a lot of time and attention. Set aside time for you and your partner so that you do not drift apart. If you can’t afford a babysitter or don’t have family nearby, trade nights with a couple you know and trust. Have them keep the kids on a night so you and your partner can go out, then keep their kids for them on another night so they can do the same.
14. Plan vacations for just the two of you. Even if it is just an overnighter or a weekend road trip. By changing the scenery, the two of you are able to get outside the normal confines of your relationship for a time. By not going with the whole family or a group, you can focus on each other.
15. If you are a parent, keep up the sex life. All too often parents, especially those with a new baby, have no time in the bedroom. Wait for the baby to go to sleep or, if the kids are older, install a lock on the door. Sex is important to your continuing intimacy, as well as your sense of self-worth. If nothing else, sex makes you feel young and alive.
16. Even if you are tired, keep the communication interesting and open. It’s not that guys don’t like to talk, it is what you are talking about. Keep it interesting for both of you. Try to have a good attitude about what each other wants to talk about. Make conversation more than just complaining about your day. Make it interesting, discussing like, dislikes and dreams.
17. Be more trusting. All too often, we do not fully trust the person we are with. People go through life collecting emotional baggage, and that baggage often makes it hard to trust another person. If you can’t fully trust someone, you are handicapping the relationship from the start. If you have issues with trust, tackle your trust issues a little bit at a time, drawing out a little bit at a time, to see if your partner is trustworthy.
18. Send out online cards and messages. If both or one of you work, a good way to keep in touch during the day is to send emails or online e-cards to your partner. These are just cure or flirty messages that keep you in contact and thinking about each other. These can be a pick-me-up in the middle of a long work day.
19. Romance doesn’t have to be expensive. There are tons of little things that you can do to add spice. You can leave notes around the house for your partner or have romantic discussions. The smallest gestures sometimes have the deepest meaning.
20. Move the kids’ bedtime. If you want a little extra time with your spouse, put the kids to bed a little earlier. It doesn’t have to be every night but once a week is nice. With our hectic modern lives, everyone can use a little extra rest here or there (even kids), and you’re not going to feel like romance if you and your significant other have to lose sleep to be romantic.
21. Try to pay more attention to your partner. If you do most of the talking, try listening every once in awhile. Ask your partner what is on their mind. You might be surprised what they tell you. Note, this might take some time and practice, if you’re in the habit of dominating the conversation all the time. So if your partner doesn’t immediately open up, don’t simply go back to the way it was. When you signal you are serious about listening, he or she will be serious about talking.
22. Share a bubble bath. Put out some candles and fill the tub with bubbles. You can even get your partner to scrub your hard to get areas. This kind of cooperative intimacy goes hand-in-hand with emotional intimacy.
23. Being pregnant doesn’t mean you can’t be intimate. A woman tends to feel vulnerable during her pregnancy because of the changes in her body. A partner should go the extra mile to make sure she feels attractive and wanted. Tell her she’s beautiful. Send her romantic notes or gifts. Take her picture and try to reinforce her self-image.
24. Don’t be afraid of sexual fantasies. They are normal and everyone has them. Try talking with your partner about yours. Focus on the two of you in exotic places. If you’re having trouble coming up with ideas, buy a book like the Kama Sutra or some modern book on sexual positions and discuss. Guys, don’t start out suggesting the threesome, because many women aren’t going to consider that a good way for the two of you to get closer.
25. Try a romantic drive at night. Find a good scenic spot to drive to. Even if you have kids and no babysitter, you can still take them along. Make sure you can get out, stretch your legs and take in the view. Just as important, make sure you can get a good view from the front seat of your car, like the two of you did dating as kids (whether that was with each other or with childhood flames).
26. Go on a moonlit walk. Taking walks at night with your partner can be romantic. The dark tends to make people feel more relaxed and confident about their feelings. The night was made for love, because romance becomes less about visuals and more about sounds, smells and tastes. In other words, the night allows you to explore the full range of your sensuality. Besides, staring into the infinity of stars is awe-inspiring.
27. Be more daring and creative in bed. You can buy some lingerie or try out some bedroom accessories such as handcuffs or massage devices. Just be sure your partner is okay with your creativity. Talk about it beforehand, because you’ll see what’s okay and what isn’t. Besides, talking about what you’re going to bring into the bedroom is a form of foreplay.
28. Share a special dessert together. You can do this while in front of the television or even in the bedroom. Take turns feeding each other and even lick each others fingers (but only if that doesn’t gross one partner out). Eating from the same dessert requires you to lean towards one another, which is a classic posture for someone who is romantically interested.
29. Try to stay healthy and in good shape, physically and spiritually. People will find you more attractive if you are healthy. But don’t become obsessed with your physical appearance as they can easily drive them away. Just remember, if you are feeling sluggish, depressed or in a rut, exercise will increase your energy, increase the flow of blood to your brain and release endorphins. Endorphins released in exercise (probably phenylethylamine) act as pain reducers, relieve depression and create the sense of euphoria sometimes called the “runner’s high”. Exercise; you’ll feel better.
30. Remember what it was like when the relationship was new. Many couples lose that initial spark of interest after awhile. Be spontaneous like when you first met or right after you were married. Don’t trap the relationship in a box because that’s what you’re comfortable with. Let the relationship grow by being spontaneous. It worked when you were kids.
31. Keep a sense of humor. A healthy relationship is a fun one. You and your partner need to be able to laugh, even during moments that might be a bit dramatic. The couple that laughs together, stays together.
32. Be more affectionate! Cuddle more, kiss more, hold hands more. All too often when people get comfortable in a relationship, they stop being as affectionate. Holding hands is just a good way to show affection.
33. Make your date or partner your first priority. It is too easy to get wrapped up in problems at work or other areas. By putting your partner before anything else, you are showing them how much they matter to you. Sure, there are times you need to focus on other things, but make certain your partner knows how important they are to you.
34. Find the right music. There are so many romantic songs out there. Music is a great tool for setting the mood. With internet tools like iTunes and YouTube, you can always find some great mood music. Don’t trap yourself into one narrow genre of music as the end-all, be-all of human musical experience, because your life won’t be as rich without it.
35. Sex is not a chore. Sex is something to share with your partner. View it more as quality time than just a duty and your relationship will be better. As they say, if you’re bored with sex, you just aren’t doing it right. Be creative in bed, if sex has become a chore. Talk about it with your partner, if it’s become a real problem. Just talk about it in the nicest fashion possible, assuring them this is your hangup and not something they’ve done.
36. When in a long distance relationship, get together as often as possible. Emails, phone-calls, and text messaging cannot replace a simple touch or a kiss. This is counter-intuitive, but the phone is your enemy in long-distance relationships. Why? Because you talk about the least romantic parts of your life, and therefore the two of you start to forget what made the relationship fun, dynamic and romantic in the first place.
37. Get out of the house. You spend too much time in there. Get out and go somewhere on a date. A change of scenery can make all the difference. It’s a matter of sensory stimulation. When you see, hear, smell and taste new things, your mind will open to creative new ideas about your romance.
38. Be open to changes and improvements in your relationship. Change is good; it keeps things interesting. You can change up your daily routines or how you act towards each other. If you’ve been fighting a lot, set a rule where you can’t fight all day long or all weekend long. Have a rule you don’t make snarky comments or raise your voices at each other. See how that restraint works.
39. Give your partner some space. Don’t smother them with being clingy. Time alone will make them miss you that much more. Co-dependence is a bad thing. When you spend time apart, you’ll have more to bring to the relationship when you do spend time together.
40. Share some music on your Ipod. Sharing earbuds and listening to some tunes is intimate and personal. Pick tunes that you can both relate to. Once again, there’s nothing wrong with having favorite songs, but don’t fall into the trap that there’s only one type of music for you. Expand your horizons and don’t be a “purist”. That’s just silly.
41. Try to say “I love you” every day. Sure, your partner probably knows it. But it is still nice to hear it. There are studies that show simply saying “I love you” every day has a profound effect on a relationship.
42. Make the bedroom a place for you and your partner. This means no work-related items and no toys from the kids. This is space to spend quality time with your partner. The two of you should have “your space”, so make it happen.
43. Write a love letter. Today’s technology is convenient but impersonal. An actual letter, written in your hand, is much more personal and intimate. Besides, your partner can keep it as a keepsake for years to come, which is much better than archiving it on their gmail.
44. Make peace offerings. Arguments are normal but people can stay mad a long time. Use peace offerings to get over an argument. This can be flowers, candy, gifts, cards or simply the offer to make breakfast. A simple gesture shows you aren’t holding grudges.
45. Find something to do together. You can try out a sport or a new hobby. This gives you time together. Take a class together or join a civic organization together. Learn to paint or play flag football or sign up for a cause. Just do it together.
46. Find out what romance means to each other. Some people have different ideas. Discuss with your partner your ideas on what romance means to you. Too often, couples never take the time to talk about these things. You find that putting a new latch on your fence door is worthy of a conversation (or likely, several of them), so why not discuss romance every once in a while?
47. Go on a picnic. A picnic is romantic with the right foods. Plus it is budget-friendly. A picnic allows the two of you to sit in nature, but still focus on each other.
48. Don’t forget the discount gift cards. They make small but inexpensive gifts. Plus, you don’t have to mess with doing the shopping for them. Sure, they might seem impersonal, but most people enjoy a gift card, because they can get the gift they want. Personalize the gift card with a card or note that says how you feel. Remember to say “I love you”.
49. Walks along the beach. Yeah, it’s stereotyped but also classic. Nothing beats walking barefoot through the surf. If there’s no oceanfront around, find a nice lake where you can look out over the water, and try to plan it for a sunset.
50. Don’t talk about difficult subjects every single day. Save those conversations for particular days. No one likes to be nagged at daily. If you focus on the negative every single day, then every single day is going to be a negative. That’s what we’re getting at here, when we’re talking about ways to be more creative in your relationship; if you do any one thing every day, it becomes a rut. Break things up and make every day seem different, understanding there is a time for everything in your romance or relationship.