Eventually, we will all have to go through a breakup. Even a very solid relationship grounded in Christian values can fall apart. Believe it or not, God offers guidance to the Christian preparing to break off a romantic partnership. Here are some Christian breakup tips.
Christian Break Up Advice
Breaking up with someone is not easy, nor is it fun which is why we hope to provide you with some good Christian break up advice. I have had to fire a few employees during my working life, and breaking up with a romantic partner is similar to “letting someone go” from their job. Just like someone who is losing a job, a person who is being broken up with is missing out on a potential future. The man with a job may have seen his future growing with the company, perhaps earning a raise and reaping the benefits of climbing the corporate ladder. Your future “ex” saw a time in the future with you, enjoying your company, learning more about you and with you, maybe even settling down and making a long term commitment to you.
As Christians, we approach an event like a firing or a breakup with a little extra ammunition. We have access to God’s word for guidance in our everyday lives – we are lucky to have the Scripture to back us up in times of trouble. Let’s look at the Christian perspective on breaking up with a partner.
Turn to God
As with all things in our lives, we must turn to God’s wisdom when we prepare to end a relationship. One of my favorite verses says this:
James 1:5 - “But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”
You may be feeling ashamed about your future breakup, or concerned that God isn’t interested in the small affairs of your heart. In this verse from the book of James, we learn that in every instance in which we want to learn something, we should first ask God. One big reason we should do this, James says, is the attitude with which God will approach our search for the truth. Unlike the way our friends and even our family can sometimes behave, God will give “generously and without reproach” – God will freely give the wisdom you’re after, and will do so without judging you or embarrassing you. God has probably already laid some things on your heart about your relationship. Maybe you aren’t following his will in respecting your partner; there could be myriad reasons why God may be pushing you in one direction or the other. Listen to this voice, no matter how soft it may appear to be.
God’s wisdom is perfect – even so, it may not always be enough for you. The goods news is, there are other sources for wisdom on breaking up, and the Bible encourages us to seek “many counselors”.
Turn to Wise People
God is not the only source of wisdom in cases such as this. Your parents, your pastor, “church family”, and that select group of friends who you trust to give good advice – all of these are good sources for breakup help.
Proverbs 15:22 - “Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed.”
This verse from Proverbs encourages us to seek wisdom – and from many sources. If you want your breakup to be successful, the Bible teaches that you should seek the wise counsel of many. Seek a pastor at your church and ask them for guidance. See what wisdom from the Bible they can lead you toward. Be careful not to turn the conversation too specific – you’re looking for general advice on Christian breakups, not the pastor’s anointing on your breakup.
Have the “Talk”
Its now time to take the guidance you’ve gathered and put it into practice. If God is leading you to release yourself from your relationship, listen to that advice and prepare to have the breakup talk with your partner.
Ephesians 4:15 - “Speaking the truth in love, we will grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head.”
I love this verse from Ephesians – it tells me that making the right decisions and being honest with our loved ones draws us closer to God. In breaking up with a partner who isn’t right for you, you will find that you must be more honest with this person than you have been before. Say everything that’s on your heart, and if your partner is a Christian, consider sharing some of these verses with this person, and tell them how God has led you through this decision. A breakup can also be a time for “making things right” – what we call “making amends”. Remember what John says about confession — “If we confess our sins, God is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) To be truly cleansed by God regarding your transgressions during your relationship, you must make confession, and you must mean the confession in your heart. Talk to your partner about what may have gone wrong, and be honest with them.
God Wants A Better Future for You
Jeremiah 29:11 - “I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.”
If God led you into a breakup, you should rejoice – it means that God has a better plan for you, a plan “for peace”, and a future “filled with hope”. It is a powerful feeling, to communicate with God and see your life changed for the better. It is essential to the Christian experience to commune with our Creator this way. If you’re a Christian and you want to grow closer to God, you have help when it comes to making decisions about your personal life. Seek God’s wisdom, and the guided wisdom of those older and wiser than you, and your breakup will have God’s blessing.
Thank you. This really helped me, especially since it was bible based over opinion like I find so much on the net. I am getting baptized tomorrow and I feel my bf who is a christian, but not completely transformed will be holding me back. What I am worried about most is how hurt he will feel. Apart from that, I know God has better in store for me. Please pray for my relationship and my boyfriend. Prayers of the righteous prevaileth much.
Thanks so much. This helped. I couldn’t ask for a better relationship with God right now. :)
Shauna, I felt horrible reading your comment about your ‘not transformed boyfriend’. How can you judge him for not being as “spiritually mature” as yourself? This may not be the relationship you want, but do not hide behind these peverted excuses.
In the bible it says we will not be un equally yoked so if her bf is not on her level SHE SHOULD MOVE ON
First SM that deals with marriage and business because you yoke yourself to someone like an ox you are taking that out if context. Second she said he is a christian but that his spiritual growth is slower people grow in different times but that’s not an excuse to dismiss someone like that and use God in the mix and think God will give someone else. Things aren’t going to be perfect but God can work those things out.
@SM,
in 1 Corinthians it says. “12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. ”
Second, the original verse about being unequally yoked is about idolatry and speaks about unbelievers.
Amen
Cameron thank you so much you can tell how cold that email is that’s not Christ like God never leaves us but continues to be by our side dispit all we do and is patient with us true love. And its sad as soon as things aren’t going our way (selfishness) we jump ship. I am glad God is not like that. I am proud of what you said it takes a stronger person to stay and fight.
Maybe she doesnt realize that she was put in her bfs life as an instrument in his growth in christianity. Couples often are not on the same level in faith but with work and patience they can be a wonderful power couple. I say this from my own experience. Bless yall
Thanks… I needed this so bad! It was like a healing for me! Be blessed
Relationships are about growing together. When you look at the other person in a relationship are you just seeing how they are at that one point in time, and ignoring their potential for growth? Ask yourself, and that person, is this person committed to growing with me in ways that God desires for us as a couple? If the answer is yes then stick with that person. God nurtures us and in the same way we need to nurture those close to us. We shouldn’t be so quick to find flaws and “break up”.
Exactly is it true about him as well or just her love is based on unselfishness it would grow stronger if their was a total unselfishness “iron sharpens iron”.
I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. We have been going back and forth but this time I want it to be official. It hurts me because one side of me wants to stay and the other says its time to leave. I know he has a very teachable heart and he goes to church with me sometimes but I am a baby Christian too and I know we are both probably holding each other back from having a more intimate relationship with God. These are times When I know I should Just surrender all to God because He is the only one who is in control. The challenge now for me is to actually be strong and completely let go which is the hardest thing to do.
I have just broken up w my bf of 3 years. Even in the beginning I could see that it would be a challenge to live for God and be with my bf. I seemed advice over the years and in my heart I felt that God wanted me to break up w this person. Though over the years we have grown together and studied the Word of God together, we disagreed on some things. But he was willing to make me happy and go to Church and study the Word with me and for himself as well. But I still felt that in my heart the next step fir the was to break up w him and that’s what I did. I tried the whole just be friends thing but it couldn’t have worked because he still wanted more. I thank God everyday for giving me the strength to break it off completely and that is what we both needed. Otherwise it would have caused him more pain because I would have kept breaking up w him.
Personally I think this article and all of you are quite ridiculous. Please forgive me. I was a Christian once so I understand in some part where you are coming from. But, it is delusional to live your life according to a 2,000 year old book written by nomadic sheep hearders. Not that I mind, I come from a long line of sheep hearders. My whole point is this. As a athiest married to a Christian woman, we have a great marriage. Your faith is a personal thing. As long as your partner respects you, this should not be an issue.
Everyone of you here speak about giving your life for god. What a completely misguided sentiment. How immoral is that? Are you all like Abraham, willing to sacrifice Isaac because an absentee father tells him too. Think about it in your own life. Would you sacrifice your child if “god” told you to? Would you put god before your child?
Beth, you sound more like you were looking for a reason to break up. You had a man that respected you and wanted to make you happy. Don’t use god as an excuse.
Ann, What a sad thing. Obviously you love this person, yet you are willing to give it up for something that you cannot prove. You or anyone else on this site has felt “gods” arms around you the way your partners arms enclosed you with warmth and love. Why would any sane person sacrifice this? Don’t get me wrong, if you want to break up with someone then do it as nicely as possible. But all of you are creating reasons to break up with someone for something that you have no clue is true. How do you know that when you die, you god won’t look at you and say, “what were you thinking? I put love in your life and you gave it up!”
People, no one is telling you to change your beliefs. I constantly hear from christians that your god is the god of love. Yet you are quick to throw love away. How does that make sense?
I’m glad you broke up with your partners. You left them so that they can find somone who truly loves them.