Christian Breakup Tips

Eventually, we will all have to go through a breakup. Even a very solid relationship grounded in Christian values can fall apart. Believe it or not, God offers guidance to the Christian preparing to break off a romantic partnership. Here are some Christian breakup tips.

Christian Break Up Advice

Breaking up with someone is not easy, nor is it fun which is why we hope to provide you with some good Christian break up advice. I have had to fire a few employees during my working life, and breaking up with a romantic partner is similar to “letting someone go” from their job. Just like someone who is losing a job, a person who is being broken up with is missing out on a potential future. The man with a job may have seen his future growing with the company, perhaps earning a raise and reaping the benefits of climbing the corporate ladder. Your future “ex” saw a time in the future with you, enjoying your company, learning more about you and with you, maybe even settling down and making a long term commitment to you.

As Christians, we approach an event like a firing or a breakup with a little extra ammunition. We have access to God’s word for guidance in our everyday lives – we are lucky to have the Scripture to back us up in times of trouble. Let’s look at the Christian perspective on breaking up with a partner.

Turn to God

Christian Breakup TipsAs with all things in our lives, we must turn to God’s wisdom when we prepare to end a relationship. One of my favorite verses says this:

James 1:5“But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him.”

You may be feeling ashamed about your future breakup, or concerned that God isn’t interested in the small affairs of your heart. In this verse from the book of James, we learn that in every instance in which we want to learn something, we should first ask God. One big reason we should do this, James says, is the attitude with which God will approach our search for the truth. Unlike the way our friends and even our family can sometimes behave, God will give “generously and without reproach” – God will freely give the wisdom you’re after, and will do so without judging you or embarrassing you. God has probably already laid some things on your heart about your relationship. Maybe you aren’t following his will in respecting your partner; there could be myriad reasons why God may be pushing you in one direction or the other. Listen to this voice, no matter how soft it may appear to be.

God’s wisdom is perfect – even so, it may not always be enough for you. The goods news is, there are other sources for wisdom on breaking up, and the Bible encourages us to seek “many counselors”.

Turn to Wise People

God is not the only source of wisdom in cases such as this. Your parents, your pastor, “church family”, and that select group of friends who you trust to give good advice – all of these are good sources for breakup help.

Proverbs 15:22“Without consultation, plans are frustrated, But with many counselors they succeed.”

This verse from Proverbs encourages us to seek wisdom – and from many sources. If you want your breakup to be successful, the Bible teaches that you should seek the wise counsel of many. Seek a pastor at your church and ask them for guidance. See what wisdom from the Bible they can lead you toward. Be careful not to turn the conversation too specific – you’re looking for general advice on Christian breakups, not the pastor’s anointing on your breakup.

Have the “Talk”

Its now time to take the guidance you’ve gathered and put it into practice. If God is leading you to release yourself from your relationship, listen to that advice and prepare to have the breakup talk with your partner.

Ephesians 4:15“Speaking the truth in love, we will grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head.”

I love this verse from Ephesians – it tells me that making the right decisions and being honest with our loved ones draws us closer to God. In breaking up with a partner who isn’t right for you, you will find that you must be more honest with this person than you have been before. Say everything that’s on your heart, and if your partner is a Christian, consider sharing some of these verses with this person, and tell them how God has led you through this decision. A breakup can also be a time for “making things right” – what we call “making amends”. Remember what John says about confession — “If we confess our sins, God is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) To be truly cleansed by God regarding your transgressions during your relationship, you must make confession, and you must mean the confession in your heart. Talk to your partner about what may have gone wrong, and be honest with them.

God Wants A Better Future for You

Jeremiah 29:11“I know the plans that I have for you, declares the LORD. They are plans for peace and not disaster, plans to give you a future filled with hope.”

If God led you into a breakup, you should rejoice – it means that God has a better plan for you, a plan “for peace”, and a future “filled with hope”. It is a powerful feeling, to communicate with God and see your life changed for the better. It is essential to the Christian experience to commune with our Creator this way. If you’re a Christian and you want to grow closer to God, you have help when it comes to making decisions about your personal life. Seek God’s wisdom, and the guided wisdom of those older and wiser than you, and your breakup will have God’s blessing.

Comments

  1. Shauna- Kay says:

    Thank you. This really helped me, especially since it was bible based over opinion like I find so much on the net. I am getting baptized tomorrow and I feel my bf who is a christian, but not completely transformed will be holding me back. What I am worried about most is how hurt he will feel. Apart from that, I know God has better in store for me. Please pray for my relationship and my boyfriend. Prayers of the righteous prevaileth much.

    • Thanks so much. This helped. I couldn’t ask for a better relationship with God right now. :)

    • Cameron says:

      Shauna, I felt horrible reading your comment about your ‘not transformed boyfriend’. How can you judge him for not being as “spiritually mature” as yourself? This may not be the relationship you want, but do not hide behind these peverted excuses.

      • In the bible it says we will not be un equally yoked so if her bf is not on her level SHE SHOULD MOVE ON

        • First SM that deals with marriage and business because you yoke yourself to someone like an ox you are taking that out if context. Second she said he is a christian but that his spiritual growth is slower people grow in different times but that’s not an excuse to dismiss someone like that and use God in the mix and think God will give someone else. Things aren’t going to be perfect but God can work those things out.

        • @SM,
          in 1 Corinthians it says. “12 To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. 13 And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. ”

          Second, the original verse about being unequally yoked is about idolatry and speaks about unbelievers.

      • Amen

      • Cameron thank you so much you can tell how cold that email is that’s not Christ like God never leaves us but continues to be by our side dispit all we do and is patient with us true love. And its sad as soon as things aren’t going our way (selfishness) we jump ship. I am glad God is not like that. I am proud of what you said it takes a stronger person to stay and fight.

  2. Maybe she doesnt realize that she was put in her bfs life as an instrument in his growth in christianity. Couples often are not on the same level in faith but with work and patience they can be a wonderful power couple. I say this from my own experience. Bless yall

  3. Thanks… I needed this so bad! It was like a healing for me! Be blessed

  4. Relationships are about growing together. When you look at the other person in a relationship are you just seeing how they are at that one point in time, and ignoring their potential for growth? Ask yourself, and that person, is this person committed to growing with me in ways that God desires for us as a couple? If the answer is yes then stick with that person. God nurtures us and in the same way we need to nurture those close to us. We shouldn’t be so quick to find flaws and “break up”.

    • Exactly is it true about him as well or just her love is based on unselfishness it would grow stronger if their was a total unselfishness “iron sharpens iron”.

    • Three years ago, I met a wonderful young man who was starting to grow stronger in his faith and desired a relationship with me. I did not think I would be ready since I had just given my life to the Lord and I still had not learned what a holy relationship looked like. Regardless, I fell in love, and there were a lot of problems starting out. I had this same idea like Richard says above me that God could fix all of the flaws, so I stayed with him. Sadly, we developed a lustful relationship and drifted from church. He never wanted to read the Bible with me. He saw nothing wrong with physical love before marriage. I was lost and hurt. My faith was floundering. I started to rely on him more than God for love, help, encouragement. After a year, I realized it would not get better-he was continuing to disapprove of my faith and love for Christ. He started to hate the Bible, faith, and Christianity. I had to end it because it was becoming hurtful to my faith, my spirit, my hope. Then, he rejoined church, sang at worship, and led me into bible study after a few months. I was so happy. I started a relationship with him again. A few months after, he told me it was all an act to get me back, but I was already so happy to be with him and in love with him,so I stayed with him for another year. After that year, he declared being an atheist. He made it clear that I would have to leave my calling to the Lord and be an atheist with him. Sometimes, if a person shows signs of sin early in the relationship, it would be best to end it sooner. I’m experiencing a lot of heartbreak right now and I should have listened to God in the first place when the sin began and the signs of anti-faith started by telling him sorry- not going to work. We were at different places. We still are. He has a girlfriend now after three weeks of not being together and I’m hurting so much. Please pray. I know God will bring healing.

  5. I just recently broke up with my boyfriend. We have been going back and forth but this time I want it to be official. It hurts me because one side of me wants to stay and the other says its time to leave. I know he has a very teachable heart and he goes to church with me sometimes but I am a baby Christian too and I know we are both probably holding each other back from having a more intimate relationship with God. These are times When I know I should Just surrender all to God because He is the only one who is in control. The challenge now for me is to actually be strong and completely let go which is the hardest thing to do.

  6. I have just broken up w my bf of 3 years. Even in the beginning I could see that it would be a challenge to live for God and be with my bf. I seemed advice over the years and in my heart I felt that God wanted me to break up w this person. Though over the years we have grown together and studied the Word of God together, we disagreed on some things. But he was willing to make me happy and go to Church and study the Word with me and for himself as well. But I still felt that in my heart the next step fir the was to break up w him and that’s what I did. I tried the whole just be friends thing but it couldn’t have worked because he still wanted more. I thank God everyday for giving me the strength to break it off completely and that is what we both needed. Otherwise it would have caused him more pain because I would have kept breaking up w him.

  7. Personally I think this article and all of you are quite ridiculous. Please forgive me. I was a Christian once so I understand in some part where you are coming from. But, it is delusional to live your life according to a 2,000 year old book written by nomadic sheep hearders. Not that I mind, I come from a long line of sheep hearders. My whole point is this. As a athiest married to a Christian woman, we have a great marriage. Your faith is a personal thing. As long as your partner respects you, this should not be an issue.

    Everyone of you here speak about giving your life for god. What a completely misguided sentiment. How immoral is that? Are you all like Abraham, willing to sacrifice Isaac because an absentee father tells him too. Think about it in your own life. Would you sacrifice your child if “god” told you to? Would you put god before your child?

    Beth, you sound more like you were looking for a reason to break up. You had a man that respected you and wanted to make you happy. Don’t use god as an excuse.

    Ann, What a sad thing. Obviously you love this person, yet you are willing to give it up for something that you cannot prove. You or anyone else on this site has felt “gods” arms around you the way your partners arms enclosed you with warmth and love. Why would any sane person sacrifice this? Don’t get me wrong, if you want to break up with someone then do it as nicely as possible. But all of you are creating reasons to break up with someone for something that you have no clue is true. How do you know that when you die, you god won’t look at you and say, “what were you thinking? I put love in your life and you gave it up!”

    People, no one is telling you to change your beliefs. I constantly hear from christians that your god is the god of love. Yet you are quick to throw love away. How does that make sense?

    I’m glad you broke up with your partners. You left them so that they can find somone who truly loves them.

    • Why would God want you to be with someone who doesn’t encourage you to love Him more and serve Him more, grow in your faith and read His word and pray? It would not make sense for Jesus to say, yes follow me- but also be union with the unbelievers through marriage. That makes no sense! It may look like love and feel like Love- but if you’re not glorifying God what’s the point? How do you respect your wife but not support what she believes in? Does she serve God and you sit by and watch and then tell her she’s stupid?

    • Perhaps you were never truly a born again Christian? A person who is convicted of sin by the Holy Spirit, repents, and gives his life to God through Jesus Christ feels something nothing in this world can allow him to feel, not even romantic love between two people. Every Christian understands that God is to be served above all worldly desires and people.

      Yes, God is a God of love, and He will take care of you and protect you, if you allow Him to. The only way to do this is to follow His word completely. His pushing people in different directions is always for their benefit, as well as the benefit of their partners.

  8. I don’t think Shauna’s intention was to judge. We don’t know the circumstances she is undergoing, therefore it would be wrong of us to judge whether she should be with him or not. There may be many valid reasons.

    Believe it or not, one can be unequally yoked with a Christian. Although God loves and accepts each one where we are at, He also challenges us to grow. He loves us too much to let us become complacent. (comfortable) But he also gives us the choice to grow in Him or not. Our salvation is NOT taken away, but the depth of our relationship depends on whether we choose to place God as number 1 in our life, and our willingness to move forward into the things he has for us. If one person in the relationship doesn’t want to move forward, it makes it difficult to move forward. (usually we are only as strong as our weakest link) If marriage is a consideration, you want to make sure you are going to be yoked with someone that puts God number 1, the same values, and the willingness to grow and learn. If the person is disinterested, it will become difficult to relate. The man is also the spiritual head. That means he has been given the responsiblity to lead his family, as God is the groom to his church (bride)

    Secondly although we are not to judge the person, we have to observe the fruit being produced, and the fruit produced in the relationship. Many of us Christians can fall into this trap. Is God number one? Are we giving into sin? Are we encouraging, respecting, and loving the person or are we hindering the person from the things God has for them to do? (I have fallen into these traps myself) Im not speaking of living in a leaglistic terms, because we all make mistakes as we are imperfect people. Thankfuly God has given us grace through Christ! ( ha ha I hate speaking in Christianese)

    Another aspect is timing. It may not be the right time, a break may be necessary for each person to pursue God. A person who has been a new Christian can be at the same spiritual level as someone who has been a christian for 25 years. It depends on how much of God a person wants. But ultimately we can’t judge the person, or know the heart of that person, but we can see that actions do speak louder than words.

    If we ask, He will give us wisdom to know whether it is time to move on or stick around. Im not saying this to judge anyone, i just want to challenge people. Save any heart break if necessary.( as i have placed myself in many needless relationships, that have stung)

    God is faithful, ask Him before proceeding into a relationship because He knows our future, and who will be your best match. It saves us the heart brake of pursing something that may crumble in the end!

Speak Your Mind

*