The old saying is that ‘love knows no boundaries’. This is certainly true when it comes to age. As teenagers and young adults, we are still experimenting with relationships and figuring out who we are. But sometimes young women get tired of dating men their own age. They might find the qualities that they are looking for in an older man. It is common to hear about a young woman dating a man that is old enough to be her father. But this isn’t necessarily wrong. Age doesn’t have to be a major factor in a relationship; only if you let it. So what are some advice and tips for women who want to date older men? Are there any considerations to take into account? Before you go out on that first date, there are some benefits and consequences to consider.
Should The Age Difference Matter
This is a big question. When dating older men, age has to be taken into account. Just how old it too old? You don’t want to be another Anna Nicole Smith. If you are in your 20’s and he is on social security, then you need to find someone younger. For that matter, if you are 18 and he is in his late 30’s, you should find someone younger. You are still basically a kid in comparison. But age difference doesn’t matter as much if both of you are older. The older you are, the more experience you have in life and thus the more mature you tend to be. Say you are in your late 20’s or even 30 and he is 40, despite the big gap, both of you should be at a level of maturity to handle such a relationship. So before you gout with a guy, carefully consider not the difference in your age, but in your maturity.
Stability
One attraction about older men is stability. They have probably done a lot more living than you have and are usually settled into a career. While younger men tend to bounce from job to job as they ‘find their place in the world’, older men have been working, building a bank account, paying their bills, and taking care of their responsibilities for some time. Younger men are known to be irresponsible and often unsettled as they want to go out and experience life. So stability can be a trait that many younger women have never experienced.
It Is Not All About Sex And Money
The common stereotype is that older men are only interested in younger women for sex and that they lure them in with the promise of money and expensive gifts. Is this the reality of dating older men? Only if you date the wrong ones. Sure, there are older men out there that are only looking for a pretty bedmate. They are shallow and only looking to fulfill their own needs. But there are also plenty of men who are looking for more than that. They want a partner, someone they can connect with and share their life with. You will never know what an older man’s motivations are for dating you until you get to know him.
And while we are talking about money, don’t make it seem like you are overly interested in how much he has, even if you are just curious. If an older man suspects that you are after him for his money, then he is liable to look elsewhere for a deeper relationship.
He Is Not Your Parent
Dating an older man should not be a substitution for a father figure. Sure, he may tend to be more protective and all but he is not your parent. You should not expect him to solve all of your problems. An older man is probably going to be more prone to step in and take care of you. However, if you want to retain some measure of independence and not have him get tired of coddling you, then you need to learn to take care of your own problems instead of relying on him to fix them. By being independent and knowing who you are as a person, he will have more respect for you and will take your relationship more seriously.
Let Him Take The Lead
Older men tend to be more authoritative, especially in public. If he is older, he may be used to being in charge, particularly at social events. He will probably want to take care of the tab at a restaurant or pay for those Broadway tickets. Don’t feel bad if he does. It is likely a generation trait, sort of old school gentlemanly manners. Older men tend to believe that men should take care of their ladies. It is okay to let him assume this role and let him take the lead in public. At least to a degree. But this doesn’t mean that you should be submissive and let him tell you what t do. Be a partner, not a servant.
Don’t Let Comments Bother You
You know the ones I am talking about. People sometimes make comments that include words like ‘sugar daddy’ and ‘gold digger’ and even some less polite words. Not everyone agrees with the concept of dating someone who is several years older. Just be aware that sooner or later this dating situation is going to draw some comments and criticisms. How you handle such comments will be up to you. The best thing to do is shrug them off and don’t let them bother you.
Be Yourself
Older men are too experienced to play social games. You don’t want to try to act or dress in a non-natural way just to attract them. Just be yourself and don’t worry that you may not be mature enough or experienced enough for them. They obviously find some quality about you that is attractive so there is no need to try to be or act like someone that you are not. Be comfortable with who you are and the right relationship will fall into place.
This romantic op-ed fails dismally to take into account something Einstein said and me be oneof the reasons that so many people are romantically living lives of “quiet desperation.”
“Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.”
There are women in their early 20′s with more maturity than those who are 60 and men in their 60′s who are more adolescent than some guys 25.
Love is a thoroughly personal and subjective experience and to put arbitrary age constraints on it runs counter to not only the beliefs of someofhistory’sgreatest thinkers–likeShakespeare–but common experience. Because the lives of celebrities are oppen books we know of marriages between them that bespeak greatage differances but rarely here of mere mortals who wed similarly.
Here’s apartial list of actors who married women 25 years or more younger than themselves:
Tony Randal (+50); Tony Curtis (+42); Rupert Murdoch (+37); James Doohan (+37);
Lee Majors (+35); Tony Bennett (+33); Ed McMahon (+32); Dennis Kucinich (+31);
Chuck Norris (+28); Norman Mailer (+26); Paul McCartney (+26); Clint Eastwood (+25); Jimmy Dean (+25); Michael Douglas (+25); and Rod Stewart (+25).
So,who should one believe? Dating gurus who benefit from crunching the numbers and get paid to make matches based on arbitrary criteria no matter how “scientifically”
established or Thomas Kempis, whose remarkable life had taught him about the unfettered power oflove when he wrote:
Love knows no limits, but ardently transcends all bounds.
Love feels no burden, takes no account of toil,
attempts things beyond its strength.
Love sees nothing as impossible,
for it feels able to achieve all things.
Like a living flame and a burning torch,
it surges upward and surely surmounts every obstacle.
J.C.
Well spoken. I am 29, my boyfriend and partner whom I live with is, 44. Age not only means nothing to me,but also means nothing to him. We are very happy.
No one said that finding the right person is finding the right person in one’s age and/or demographic. :)
All in all, if anyone out there is worried about age, that worry is not necessary. As long as you are happy, nothing else matters. Good luck!
I see your point, but I think that generally this is a good rule to follow. I’m in my early 20s and have been told that I am quite mature; however, dating someone in their 60s? Probably not the best idea for me, and for where I am in life. Everyone is different, but there is a reason that most people don’t go for that large of a gap. These lofty ideas of romance and love are cute but not realistic. A good relationship requires a good dose of both.
Also, using actors as a judge of good relationships is a terrible idea imo (lol).
2007 stats for the USA show that at birth, women are expected to live 5 yes longer than men. the difference does decrease as people reach certain life milestones. regardless, the age difference will not change. soo..
If the a women in the relationship is 10, 15, 20 yrs younger, and statistics show that the woman is more likely to be widowed by nature discluding the age difference, is it worth mentioning that a woman marrying an older man should consider the possibility of losig their companion much earlier than if he was closer to her age?
as an engineer, I know these numbers don’t lie, yet I also know that there are always exceptions/outliers.
as a woman dating an older man (for a couple of months now) this is pretty much my only and by far my largest concern. any comment is appreciated. thanks. <3
Im in my mid twenties and the oldest guy I have been with was in his forties. I honestly do think that older men are only attracted to younger women sexually. To them its only about the sex!!!