Dating Older Men

The old saying is that ‘love knows no boundaries’. This is certainly true when it comes to age. As teenagers and young adults, we are still experimenting with relationships and figuring out who we are. But sometimes young women get tired of dating men their own age. They might find the qualities that they are looking for in an older man. It is common to hear about a young woman dating a man that is old enough to be her father. But this isn’t necessarily wrong. Age doesn’t have to be a major factor in a relationship; only if you let it. So what are some advice and tips for women who want to date older men? Are there any considerations to take into account? Before you go out on that first date, there are some benefits and consequences to consider.

Should The Age Difference Matter

This is a big question. When dating older men, age has to be taken into account. Just how old it too old? You don’t want to be another Anna Nicole Smith. If you are in your 20’s and he is on social security, then you need to find someone younger. For that matter, if you are 18 and he is in his late 30’s, you should find someone younger. You are still basically a kid in comparison. But age difference doesn’t matter as much if both of you are older. The older you are, the more experience you have in life and thus the more mature you tend to be. Say you are in your late 20’s or even 30 and he is 40, despite the big gap, both of you should be at a level of maturity to handle such a relationship. So before you gout with a guy, carefully consider not the difference in your age, but in your maturity.

Stability

Advice for Women Dating Older MenOne attraction about older men is stability. They have probably done a lot more living than you have and are usually settled into a career. While younger men tend to bounce from job to job as they ‘find their place in the world’, older men have been working, building a bank account, paying their bills, and taking care of their responsibilities for some time. Younger men are known to be irresponsible and often unsettled as they want to go out and experience life. So stability can be a trait that many younger women have never experienced.

It Is Not All About Sex And Money

The common stereotype is that older men are only interested in younger women for sex and that they lure them in with the promise of money and expensive gifts. Is this the reality of dating older men? Only if you date the wrong ones. Sure, there are older men out there that are only looking for a pretty bedmate. They are shallow and only looking to fulfill their own needs. But there are also plenty of men who are looking for more than that. They want a partner, someone they can connect with and share their life with. You will never know what an older man’s motivations are for dating you until you get to know him.

And while we are talking about money, don’t make it seem like you are overly interested in how much he has, even if you are just curious. If an older man suspects that you are after him for his money, then he is liable to look elsewhere for a deeper relationship.

He Is Not Your Parent

Dating an older man should not be a substitution for a father figure. Sure, he may tend to be more protective and all but he is not your parent. You should not expect him to solve all of your problems. An older man is probably going to be more prone to step in and take care of you. However, if you want to retain some measure of independence and not have him get tired of coddling you, then you need to learn to take care of your own problems instead of relying on him to fix them. By being independent and knowing who you are as a person, he will have more respect for you and will take your relationship more seriously.

Let Him Take The Lead

Older men tend to be more authoritative, especially in public. If he is older, he may be used to being in charge, particularly at social events. He will probably want to take care of the tab at a restaurant or pay for those Broadway tickets. Don’t feel bad if he does. It is likely a generation trait, sort of old school gentlemanly manners. Older men tend to believe that men should take care of their ladies. It is okay to let him assume this role and let him take the lead in public. At least to a degree. But this doesn’t mean that you should be submissive and let him tell you what t do. Be a partner, not a servant.

Don’t Let Comments Bother You

You know the ones I am talking about. People sometimes make comments that include words like ‘sugar daddy’ and ‘gold digger’ and even some less polite words. Not everyone agrees with the concept of dating someone who is several years older. Just be aware that sooner or later this dating situation is going to draw some comments and criticisms. How you handle such comments will be up to you. The best thing to do is shrug them off and don’t let them bother you.

Be Yourself

Older men are too experienced to play social games. You don’t want to try to act or dress in a non-natural way just to attract them. Just be yourself and don’t worry that you may not be mature enough or experienced enough for them. They obviously find some quality about you that is attractive so there is no need to try to be or act like someone that you are not. Be comfortable with who you are and the right relationship will fall into place.

Comments

  1. John Carpenter says:

    This romantic op-ed fails dismally to take into account something Einstein said and me be oneof the reasons that so many people are romantically living lives of “quiet desperation.”

    “Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count; everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.”

    There are women in their early 20’s with more maturity than those who are 60 and men in their 60’s who are more adolescent than some guys 25.

    Love is a thoroughly personal and subjective experience and to put arbitrary age constraints on it runs counter to not only the beliefs of someofhistory’sgreatest thinkers–likeShakespeare–but common experience. Because the lives of celebrities are oppen books we know of marriages between them that bespeak greatage differances but rarely here of mere mortals who wed similarly.

    Here’s apartial list of actors who married women 25 years or more younger than themselves:

    Tony Randal (+50); Tony Curtis (+42); Rupert Murdoch (+37); James Doohan (+37);
    Lee Majors (+35); Tony Bennett (+33); Ed McMahon (+32); Dennis Kucinich (+31);
    Chuck Norris (+28); Norman Mailer (+26); Paul McCartney (+26); Clint Eastwood (+25); Jimmy Dean (+25); Michael Douglas (+25); and Rod Stewart (+25).

    So,who should one believe? Dating gurus who benefit from crunching the numbers and get paid to make matches based on arbitrary criteria no matter how “scientifically”
    established or Thomas Kempis, whose remarkable life had taught him about the unfettered power oflove when he wrote:

    Love knows no limits, but ardently transcends all bounds.
    Love feels no burden, takes no account of toil,
    attempts things beyond its strength.

    Love sees nothing as impossible,
    for it feels able to achieve all things.
    Like a living flame and a burning torch,
    it surges upward and surely surmounts every obstacle.

    • J.C.

      Well spoken. I am 29, my boyfriend and partner whom I live with is, 44. Age not only means nothing to me,but also means nothing to him. We are very happy.

      No one said that finding the right person is finding the right person in one’s age and/or demographic. :)

      All in all, if anyone out there is worried about age, that worry is not necessary. As long as you are happy, nothing else matters. Good luck!

    • I see your point, but I think that generally this is a good rule to follow. I’m in my early 20s and have been told that I am quite mature; however, dating someone in their 60s? Probably not the best idea for me, and for where I am in life. Everyone is different, but there is a reason that most people don’t go for that large of a gap. These lofty ideas of romance and love are cute but not realistic. A good relationship requires a good dose of both.

      Also, using actors as a judge of good relationships is a terrible idea imo (lol).

  2. 2007 stats for the USA show that at birth, women are expected to live 5 yes longer than men. the difference does decrease as people reach certain life milestones. regardless, the age difference will not change. soo..

    If the a women in the relationship is 10, 15, 20 yrs younger, and statistics show that the woman is more likely to be widowed by nature discluding the age difference, is it worth mentioning that a woman marrying an older man should consider the possibility of losig their companion much earlier than if he was closer to her age?

    as an engineer, I know these numbers don’t lie, yet I also know that there are always exceptions/outliers.

    as a woman dating an older man (for a couple of months now) this is pretty much my only and by far my largest concern. any comment is appreciated. thanks. <3

  3. Im in my mid twenties and the oldest guy I have been with was in his forties. I honestly do think that older men are only attracted to younger women sexually. To them its only about the sex!!!

  4. I am in my 20’s, my partner is nearly 60, i realise its a big age gap, and has caused a lot of problems with my family accepting this! but i can safely say that we are a brilliant match, soulmates! we have had to put up with a lot of comments and hassle, but it is worth it! we are matched in personality and compatability. times have been hard, but were together two years now and things are great. i believe that if you love someone, and they love you back, age doesnt matter, and things will conspire to help you!

    • Dear Chole,

      I am very glad to read your statement. I myself am in my mid twenties (27) and the man I am dating (Just started to date) is 57. I would have to say that we are a great match. Although most of my family supports my choice to date him my stepfather hates the idea and I have had those wonderful “Looks” from others when I tell them who my “Guy” is. We have had a few people comment right to us about the age gap and we just put our arms around each other and give them a smile. It is NOT our responsibility to protect our relationship and we should not have to, we care for each other and that is all that matters. I can’t say that we love each other but there is a connection and it’s more than just for sex as some say (Considering we have not had sex because he is a gentlemen). All I am saying is Congratulations and stick with what your heart tells you. You are NOT alone, there are many young girls who are dating older men and vise versa. If you both are happy that is all that matters. I hope that Steve and I are as happy as you and your match are and I sure hope we are together for two (I hope years longer) years and show everyone that statistics are not for everyone!

    • I am sooo glad to see / read that there aren’t so many narrow-minded people out there as i thought…everyone thinks i am crazy for being in a relationship with someone 30 years my senior. I am 24 and he is 54. I have always been attracted to older men, but never thought i would date someone so much older.. some may say it’s “daddy issues” but i have a father and my parents got divorced when i was 16 (when he moved out) and i still visit him and we keep in touch, so it’s not like i grew up without a “father figure”. The man i am dating is so young at heart and enthusiastic, more so that most men i have dated my own age…he isn’t the “stereo type” man in his 50s. He is generous, genuine and i think we are mentally at the same level. We get along so well and can talk for hours about interesting topics.

  5. I am 20 and currently dating a guy who is 36….16 year age difference. Obviously this is a huge gap, and most of my friends think he just wants me for sex. But I can say from my experience that that’s just not true. Sure, the sex is great and we certainly both want it, but that’s by no means the main focus of our relationship. He has been incredibly respectful towards me in ways that no one my age ever has been. I really enjoy the maturity level that comes from both his personality and his age. He treats me like a woman, not a child or a sex object and this makes me feel amazing. We have fun, intelligent conversations on nearly every topic imaginable. Despite our age difference, and therefor a bit of a generation gap when it comes to pop culture, we embrace it and I’m always learning new things from him. We have a lot in common, but there’s enough of a difference to keep things really interesting. We make each other incredibly happy and it just feels so natural to be together. The age gap bothered me at first, but I quickly realized that it just doesn’t matter. So what if he happened to be born 16 years before me? When you’re born isn’t something anyone can control, and something so small certainly shouldn’t get in the way if you find someone who’s worth it.

    The main problem is that we’re in different stages of our life. He’s working and trying to establish a more meaningful career. Meanwhile I’m only 2 years into college and planning on going to medical school- it’ll be a long time before I’m out of school and have a steady career. Then again, it could be beneficial that he’s at a point of stability while I’m going through the stress of college. Sort of a supportive anchor (although not dependent) and we could help balance each other out. The other thing that bothers me is what someone said before- the fact that women typically out-live men, and he’s already significantly older than me. It’s a little unnerving to think about how much longer than him I’ll probably live. But again, I don’t want the age gap to be the determining factor in our relationship. We may or may not work out in the long run, but we having a deep, meaningful connection and a loving relationship right now that I would never want to abandon just because of our age difference. We are so much more than just our ages

  6. Hi, im Victoria and I am 19 years old and my boyfriend whom I’m in love with is 33. He doesnt act 33 at all though, he seems like a big kid, like he’s 22 and he doesnt LOOK 33, so that’s a good thing! He makes me extremely happy and he makes me laugh more than I ever have before! He’s a great provider. I love that he is a man and he knows what he wants. He’s really sweet and handsome. He gives me everything I want and need, but I’m wondering….. Is he too old for me? I mean, my family would be like what are you doing with this man??? Is he your sugar daddy? because I’ve had sugar daddies before and he knows that but he isn’t, I love him, we’re in a relationship. And it would hurt me if my family said something like that and I want to marry him. I just moved in with him and my family does not know that yet, Im waiting to tell them. Pleae someone reply… HELP ME!

    • female_2 says:

      I am a divorced woman and now separated from an old fool.

      My first divorce ex-husband is 2 years older than me. The man which I am
      separating from is 20 years older than me.

      To me there is a different between life with an older man and being with a younger man close to your age. I was really happy and comfortable in my relationship with the older man and I thought that my
      happiness will take us to the end of our life. I am 52 years old now and I learned that my older ex-husband was a down to earth type of person but demanding to much from me and kept his feelings to himself turning him into an emotional sad old man and screwed our marriage.

      I will say, trust your feelings and your judgements. Being honest and showing the real person that you are showing to each other now and forever is really important. If you got what you are looking for and your are happy with it, then you will be fine. There is nothing wrong with having an older partner as long as you are happy and appreciate the person that will sit next to you all through your life.

      Life is a bless so enjoy it and good luck

  7. Alejandra says:

    I agree that age isnt a factor. But there is this guy who is 27 (im 19) and he keeps bringing up the fact that im not too open-minded like him since i havent been through lifee yet
    It bothers me because i really like him.

  8. Alexis says:

    Hi everyone, I am 20 years old currently seeing a man who is 28. We are at different points in our lives. He’s always working on the weekdays, whereas I am studying or doing nothing at all. Usually, I just wish sometimes he’d lay off work and go out on a Wednesday night with me, but no he has to work which I completely understand. However, this is putting a strain on our relationship. I want to go out and have fun, but he’d rather just go to a quiet resteraunt and talk over some really tasty food :/ How do we work this out? I really like him, love the maturity level, he’s handsome and such a gentleman, and I really want this to last!

  9. I am 39 years and my boyfriend is 55; 16 years my senior; he is tall, virile and handsome; he takes really good care of himself. We have been dating for 14 months now and we are extremly happy together. At first, he thought that our ages would become an issue, but age is just a state of mine. When he and I go out together, no one stirs at us; I am very comfortable and happy just being with him. We are both settled into our lives careers, and we are both financially secure; we both like nice things and he has exceptional taste. He has his own place and I have mine. We go out of town together, take road trips etc…. and we share so much.

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