How To End the First Date
I was thinking about the end of one of my dates recently and thought it would make a good blog entry. Ending the date well is an important part of your dating life, because that’s the last impression your romantic interest has of your date and of you. A good last impression on a date isn’t as important as a good first impression when dating, but don’t underestimate it importance. A bad ending to the date is like a bad ending to a book; it makes the experience ultimately unsatisfying.
Now, most guys are going to think the only really good ending to a date is to make your move and end up getting lucky, and that’s an outcome most guys aren’t going to argue with – if it happens. But unless you are the king of seduction or you know that’s all she’s in it for, that’s not likely going to happen on the first date. So here’s advice for ending the first date for the rest of us mere mortals.
Avoid Awkward Pauses
How many times have you had a good time on your first date, made a good impression, got good vibes and had a few laughs – then when it came time to say goodbye, there came the awkward pause? The pause comes when you aren’t real sure what the next move should be. Should you go for the kiss, the hug or the handshake? Is now the time to take your shot at the big leagues? Or should you see how she reacts, stringing out the conversation or linger at the end of the night until you get a clear sign which way to go?
That’s the long pause at the end of the date, and there’s really nothing worse than it.
For one, you’re showing indecisiveness, which is frankly never a good thing on a date. You’re showing you don’t know what to do. That shows lack of confidence, which is a killer for a guy. Women like confidence in their men.
Beware Awkward Attempts at Physical Contact
So you appear left to decide one of three forms of goodbye ritual, or wait until she says goodbye. After the pause, the big, seductive attempt at the kiss is going to seem awkward, and you’re likely to come across as a little clumsy. If you’ve misread things in the least, she’s going to stonewall you and that’s going to ruin all the good vibes the two of you’ve had all night – and likely shatter your confidence.
Therefore, you’re likely to either give her the handshake (which is weak) or the hug (which isn’t much better), essentially telling her you’re satisfied with “just being friends”. When guys give women the option of “just being friends”, they may well take it. Women are likely to think, “Well, he seems like a nice guy, but he’s not real masculine. He wanted a hug, so maybe he would be a good ‘guy friend'”.
Don’t Let Her Make the First Move
So you’re left pausing until she gives an indication where she wants to go. You’re giving her all the control, showing her that you’d like to take it to the next level, but you’re too timid to make the leap. You’re saying, “I’m just hoping to get lucky.” Never say “please” to a woman at the end of the night, even if it’s just with body language.
All in all, you look like you’re in a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t” situation. But there is one thing you can do when you sense the awkward pause at the end of the date coming on – something that will knock her socks off and leave you in control of the situation.
End the Date Yourself
Don’t wait for her to say good night. When you sense a pause coming, tell her “good night”. Give her the, “It’s been fun. I had a great time. We’ll have to do this again sometime.” Then tell her you need to be going.
This does several things for you.
- 1. You’re being decisive.
- 2. You’re showing you’re not going to beg for her affection.
- 3. You’re indicating (whether it’s true or not) that you have other things going on in your life besides her.
- 4. You’re avoiding several options that show either indeciciveness or desperation.
- 5. You’re doing the unexpected and presenting her with a challenge.
- 6. You’re leaving her wanting more.
- 7. You’re standing out from all the other guys she’s been dating.
Think about it. If this women has been sought after by many guys, they’re almost always either going to try to make the move on her, give her some weak show of affection or wait for her to end the date and essentially tell him to go home.
So when you take the initiative and end things yourself, you have control. More importantly in her eyes, you’re showing her you have the confidence to say, “I like you, but I have other places I need to be. You aren’t the most important thing in my life. I can take you or leave you.”
That’s going to make her wonder what the heck there is in your life that’s so important you would choose spending time with it over spending time with her.
That’s a good position to be in for Date #2.
Think about it and tell me what you think.
Read the Situation
Now, ending the date yourself is only a good move if you’re not shutting her down. If she’s about to move in on you and show you some affection, that’s still a good way to end a first date. So assess the mood of your date at the end of the night and end the date if you sense that dreaded awkward pause, or the end-of-date dustoff coming from her.