Tips to Avoid Dating Con Men
Before you start dating online, learn to avoid dating con men who will tell you lies, gain your trust and take your money. Because of the detached nature of the Internet, people can remake themselves online and lie with impunity. Usually, that only manifests as the troll who has fun causing mischief or dissent on message boards, or the editor or admin who gets too full of himself because his identity is tied up too much in his service to a website.
Then there are the con men. “Con man” is short for “confidance man”, because he gains your confidence and then scams you for your money. You’ll find scam artists in the online dating industry, too. Most of the charlatans and scammers are nothing more than guys lying about themselves and projecting confidence to get dates with women out of the league. Those guys are jerks, but they aren’t criminals. When the con game is aimed not only at romancing you for a good time, but also to romance your money away from you, conning goes too far.
So here’s tips to avoid dating con men. While it discusses methods for avoiding online con artists, these concepts can apply to live dating.
Don’t Go Too Fast
When you meet someone and he is suddenly ready to move in together or get married, watch out. We see movies and tv shows where people fall in love at the drop of a hat and have a whirlwind romance, then live happily ever after. But life isn’t Hollywood and you have to tap on the brakes when your new relationship is developing faster than you’re used to. It might feel good, but if he’s pushing your intimacy, you have to ask why.
For one, what kind of man wants to dive into a relationship immediately? I would say there are three types of men who would. One is a loser with nothing else better to do, who has found him a woman and is desperately trying to commit you to the relationship before you figure out he’s a loser. Two is a con man who wants to gain your trust and gain access to your bank account and identification, then clean out your savings and max out your credit cards in as little time as possible. The third is he’s your perfect man with the perfect job and the perfect life and he just so happens to find you just as bewitching as you find him, so bewitching that he can’t wait to start living happily ever after with his newfound soul mate.
Two of the three aren’t good. You have to ask yourself which of the three is more likely. I would say “1”, then “2” and then “3”. Call me a pessimist, but if a guy is wanting to rush into things and he’s rushing you into things, that should send up red flags.
Fall in love if you have to. Think he’s the hottest guy you’ve ever met. Have the best sex of your life. But when he wants to move in together or start using the same checking account in the middle of all the sex and romance, don’t give him access to that part of your life. Any guy worth a darn isn’t going to need access to your bank account a month after he’s met you.
Vague Background Information is Bad
If he is vague about his personal history and background, that’s a sign he’s hiding something from you. If you get the sense he’s hiding something from you, you’re going to have to ask yourself why he would do that. Maybe there’s a rational explanation, or maybe he’s a player trying to play you for your money.
A man who is vague about past relationships might be a guy who went through a bad marriage or relationship and doesn’t want to talk about it. Maybe he’s neurotic and these things irritate his neuroses.
But a man who doesn’t want to talk about his past jobs, where he used to live, whether he was married or not, whether he has family still living, and that kind of normal background information probably has something to hide. When you repeatedly get no answer or evasive answers from your new boyfriend on these questions, then start to get suspicious.
At this point, you might perform a background check. This might show he has a record of doing this. No information might show he’s guiltless, or that this is just his latest identity. Either way, perform a background check to learn more about this character.
Compare Statements to the Facts
When a guy is always bragging about his wealth and income, but he doesn’t seem to have the personal wealth to back up those claims, that’s a sign something isn’t right. For instance, when he continually talks about this big deal or that big deal going down, but his credit card declines or he needs you to “pick up the check”, that’s a sign he’s a con man.
Guys who make a lot of money and tend to brag about making a lot of money are going to want to display that wealth. The last thing they want is for the women in their life to have to cover their debts. Maybe you’ll get someone who has money and hoards it, afraid someone will know what they are worth, but that person isn’t likely to be boasting about their bank account over the dinner table.
So when he says one thing, but the facts show something else, understand that you’re dealing with a grifter.
One Lie Isn’t Enough
If you catch him in a lie, you have to realize this isn’t the first lie he’s told you. You’re not going to have the facts to catch him in every single lie, so don’t assume that the one lie you know about is the end of the lying. Also, don’t take a history of lies lightly, as if it’s something every guy does.
You have to ask yourself, “If he lied to me about this, what else has he been untruthful about?” The answer is, probably a whole lot.
When you catch him in a lie, you’re going to have to go over the balance of your relationship and test every statement. Likely, you’re going to find a pattern of lies, half-truths and evasions. People lie for a reason and I’ve found that guys lying at the beginning of a relationship seldom tell white lies.
See The Whole Picture
Put all the facts together.
Maybe a guy is a little idiosyncratic and he lies to make himself feel more important, or because he wants people to like him. Maybe a guy is impulsive and believes life should be lived at 90 mph, so meeting a woman one week and moving in together the next week makes sense. Maybe his bank or credit card company limits his credit line rigidly and that’s why his cards are declining. There are rational explanations for any one thing, though I would suggest you be suspicious of any red flag.
But when all these traits occur in a short time with Mr. Right, you have to see the whole picture and realize you’re dating a con man. When you figure this out, the best thing is to talk to your bank and your credit card company immediately. You can figure out quickly if this guy is raiding your assets by talking to the money people.
If so, take the steps needed to shut him out of your accounts and get out of the relationship immediately. It might seem good at the moment, but avoiding dating con men will limit the pain that’s sure to come on the other side. It’s one thing to steal your heart, but stealing your money at the same time is adding injury to insult.
That’s how you avoid dating con men.