Ah, love. Everyone loves to be in love. You’ve found that right person that makes you feel content, happy, and fulfilled. But what if Mr. or Ms. Right turns out not to be right? It may take a few weeks or a few months. No matter when it occurs, eventually you discover that you have to breakup with your not-so-perfect mate.
Breakups can be nasty. The bruised egos and hurt feelings can create a lot of drama. Plus, not everyone knows how to handle a breakup. Fumbling it can really make a bad situation worse. When breaking up with someone you really need to know how to breakup. Knowing the right way to go about it will make it less painful and you just might get out of there in one piece. When looking for some wisdom for breakups, here are some tips on how to do it.
How To Breakup
1. Be Sure you want to break up.
Relationships can be confusing. All too often couples will break up with one another after a fight only to realize later that they might have made a mistake. Before breaking up with someone, make sure you really want to.
A good way to do this is to compare your partner’s good points versus all of their faults. Consider how they make you feel the majority of the time. If you are happy with them more often than not, then you might want to reconsider breaking up and instead work on ways to improve your relationship. However, if you spend most of your time together fighting, arguing, and miserable, then a breakup may be the best option for you.
2. Brace yourself for the drama.
Unless you are very, very lucky and your partner is very, very understanding, there is going to be some drama when you break up with your partner. You might as well get ready for the tears, the yelling, accusations, questions of why, insults, and possibly even some physical violence. They may not take a swing at you but a vase makes an excellent missile.
This is not to say that any or all of these things will occur. But it is a good idea to prepare a quick exit just in case things get really nasty.
3. Choose the right spot to breakup.
Since breakups can get very emotional, you should choose the best spot to tell them the bad news. Choose someplace private where you won’t have an audience.
Never break up with your partner at a restaurant or a public spot. Having a bunch of onlookers standing around and gawking as your partner tearfully and loudly announces your every fault is not a good idea. You shouldn’t embarrass your partner and you definitely do not want to be embarrassed in return.
4. Be friends or break off all contact.
Sometimes, at least the lucky ones, go through a breakup but remain friends. If you can pull this off then good for you. It eliminates lingering hurt and shows signs of real maturity. Also, if you and your partner share the same circle of friends, then you won’t have any awkward moments when you come face to face at some party or event.
If you cannot remain friends, then you should break off all contact. You don’t want to be around someone who has resentment towards you. If you share the same friends, then call ahead of time to make sure your ex is not going to be there.
5. Don’t do it while you are drunk.
How many times has this happened to you? You have a fight, go out and have a few drinks, and then come back to announce in a slurred voice that you are breaking up.
Being drunk inhibits your thinking process. Few people have ever made rational decisions while inebriated. All too often you wake up the next day regretting what you did the night before. Then you spend the next several days trying to apologize and get back together. Once you cross that live, it is hard to cross back over. Do yourself a favor and make any breakup decisions while in a sober frame of mind.
6. Pay attention to the timing.
A breakup is painful enough. But breaking up right before your partner’s birthday or a holiday like Christmas or Valentine’s Day is a double whammy. It hurts a lot more because your partner was likely looking forward to spending time with you during these special events.
Don’t break up with someone during any crisis, either. If they just lost their job or had a death in the family or maybe even their dog died. These are vulnerable times and you should at least have the decency to try to stick it out for another day or two to be there for them.
7. Don’t breakup through an email or text message.
Those methods, while they may be modern, are very impersonal and cold. Have the guts to do it in person. You need to be able to look them in the eye (or at least their shoes) when you deliver the news. You need to be able to say what you have to say but give them a chance to respond back. This is called closure and without it, you and your partner may fell that you have unfinished business.
Don’t just disappear either. This is very rude and can cause a lot of panic in your partner. They could be worried about something happening to you. They may become anxious wondering what happened to end the relationship. In some people this can cause a lot of mental and emotional stress. Be considerate and state that you are breaking up before you pull a disappearing act.
8. Be honest about why you are breaking up.
While they may be some special exceptions, you should always try to be honest about why you are breaking up. Don’t give some lame reason or start a fight just to have an excuse to break up. State the reasons why you no longer want to see them but try to do it as easy as possible.
Probably the only time that you may want to tell a white lie about why you are breaking up is if the reason may be very hurtful to your partner. Maybe there is something physical about them that you don’t like but they can’t help. Maybe they have a lot of personal issues that they need to work out first. Whatever it is, that might be the time to either find another excuse or just be as gentle as you can with the truth.
9. Don’t drag it out.
When you break up with someone, you should make sure that it comes to an end right there. You do not need the drama to continue to drag itself out over the next few weeks or months. The stress is not good for anybody and the longer it goes on, the more resentful and angry you and your ex will likely be.
10. Damage control!
Possibly one of the most overlooked aspects about a breakup. You need to prepare for some damage control. Your ex may try to drag your name through the mud with all of your friends, family, and acquaintances. They may make up all kinds of reasons why you broke up and some of them may not be true. After a breakup, you should inform the people closest to you about what happened. Don’t let them hear it second hand.