How To Date Insecure Women

How to Date an Insecure Woman

Knowing how to date insecure women is one of those invaluable skills that will make your life so much easier. This may surprise you, but like men, most women in this world have their insecurities. Call it baggage. Each of us are dealing with the outcomes of our childhood and the events of our adult life, and so many of those experiences are going to cause insecurity in people.

Long story short, it’s likely you’re going to date multiple insecure women in your lifetime. You can either fight through the crazy twists and turns of personal insecurity and defense mechanisms, or you can learn how to date an insecure woman. Once you understand some of the common things to look for, the reasons these exist and how you deal with insecurities, your life and her life are going to be a lot more pleasant and satisfying.

1. Focus on Her in Public

Try not to gaze at other women when you’re in her presence. If she catches you catching a glimpse of the hot blonde in the short skirt across the room, that’s going to play into her natural feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. She’s likely to put up defense mechanisms that are going to make your life miserable and make it harder to bond with her.

You and I both know that guys look at attractive women for no reason at all. Just because we think a woman is attractive, that doesn’t mean we think our own girlfriend is lacking. But she doesn’t look at it that way.

So when the two of you are in public together, give her your undivided attention and maintain eye contact as much as appropriate.

2. Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

It’s natural for guys to say they’re going to be somewhere at a certain time and then show up late, or occasionally not at all. You might imply you “might come” and then decide not to show. Don’t do that.

More common is the late arrival. Being late shows you would rather be somewhere else, whether you consciously think that or not. Even if you want to be with her, she’s likely to read your tardiness as a sign she’s not important to you.

In the end, you need to stick by your commitments, even the little ones like showing up at 8:00. Once she realizes she can trust you to keep your word, you’ll start breaking through the tangle of her insecurities.

Be where you say you’re going to be, when you say you’re going to be there.

3. Admit Mistakes Immediately

When you’re wrong about something in your relationship, show accountability and admit you were wrong. No guy likes to admit he was wrong, but it happens to the best of us. Don’t let her catch you in lies. If you lie about what you did or where you were, go ahead and admit it to her before she catches you in a lie.

Being caught in a lie destroys trust. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s a big lie or a small lie. The natural reaction is to say, “If he lied to me about this, what else is he lying to me about?”

4. Maintain Contact, But Not Too Much

This one is a tricky one and you can take it too far, so read carefully what I’m about to write. If the two of you are in a relationship where the default weekend night is the two of you going out together, then when the two of you don’t, you need to check in with her and let you know.

That is, call her and let her know what’s up. If you’re with your friends and going to hang out, tell her and don’t just assume she’s going to understand. If you don’t make the phone call, she’s going to be sitting around wondering what’s happening out there and her anxieties and insecurities are going to kick into overdrive.

Make one call. Call her once. That is, don’t let her convince you that you should check in with her all night. That’s unreasonable and co-dependent and simply not very healthy. If she reasonably expects to be going out with you that night, you owe her a call. She isn’t your mother, though. You don’t owe her an hourly report and she doesn’t have the right to interrogate you.

That is, if you’re doing what’s right, she needs to trust you. Either you’re with your friends or you’re with her. Don’t be the guy who keeps calling his sweetie every hour on the hour. That isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. Don’t encourage her insecure feelings, which is exactly what you’re doing when you agree to an hourly status report throughout the night.

You want to be understanding – not a pushover. Secure women and insecure women won’t respect you if you give into her every unreasonable whim, and your relationship will be worse off for it.

5. Listen When She Speaks

Guys have a habit of only half-hearing what a woman is saying, especially when there’s a distraction in the room like tv, movies, music, games or friends. Guys also tend to have tunnel vision, so when I say you are “half hearing” what she’s saying, you’re probably not hearing a darned word she’s saying. Your insecure woman will figure that out almost immediately and it’s not going to be pretty.

When she’s talking to you, make sure you give her your undivided attention. When you seem to be ignoring her, she’s going to feel inadequate and insignificant and her security isses will start up again.

6. Communicate

Talk to her about your day and your life. Tell her little details about what you did today. It may seem trivial and mundane, but you will demystify these hours you spend away from her. Tell her about your trip to the store or the car wash. Let he know about what you and your friends are doing.

This is a courtesy, more than a privilege on her part. The absence of information is going to give free rein to her imagination, though. If you won’t use basic communication to tell her what’s up in her life, an insecure woman is going to think you have something to hide, even if you don’t.

Good communication is the key to a stable relationship. You don’t have to be a panty waist or a wimp to be a good communicator. You want to be reassuring, that’s all.

Don’t Let Insecurity Become a Way of Life

From all of this, you might get the idea I’m telling you to kowtow to your woman. That’s not the case at all. Most of what I’m talking about is common courtesy. All of my tips on how to date insecure women is meant to allay their fears and insecurities. Her state of anxiety about you should be temporary.

While most of what I advised is something you should continue throughout your relationship, if things appear to be getting worse, don’t let an insecure woman control your life. If she becomes jealous, controlling or paranoid, don’t let her get away with being unreasonable. You should maintain your self-respect, while showing her respect.

Relationships are based on respect and trust. Those two go hand-in-hand. If you do everything I’ve suggested above and her insecurities continue to grow, that is not your fault. Ask yourself if the respect you’ve shown her is being reciprocated. If not, demand that respect or get out of the relationship.

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  1. Here is my issue and I admit right of the hop I cannot tell if she is emotionally immature, suffering from severe insecurities and low self-esteem, or of there is maybe a more severe issue at hand. My girlfriend constantly avoids getting in to relationships, even with someone she loves deeply. Everytime we get close she makes excuses and pushes away. She says things like she is afraid to settle that she is afraid that there may always be some one better out there, but she has also admitted to being afraid in general, of being hurt amongst other things. One minute she’ll call me her man and tell me she loves me, next minute she’ll say we’re merely “friends with beneifts” and that “she doesn’t see it going anywhere”. She’ll say she’s interested to see where it goes; where each step is going to take us, then turn around and claim she doesn’t remember saying that. Sometimes she’ll hug me very deeply and won’t let go burying her head into my chest, other times she’ll do what I call the “one armed hug”. I have noticed that when we are together she has one tone of voice and we get along great and have very lucid calm discussions, but when she is around her family, her voice litteraly goes up an octave or 2 and she reverts into some sort of childlike state. She also claims she has uds(ugly suckling syndrome) and depsite other advice I have been given, she actually cannot handle being told she is beautiful, or she can handle it but not every day, and does not want to hear every day that I love her, like her disbelief fosters some sort of annoyance. I know she loves me, but she has also told me she is not entirely certain what being in love feels like. Of all her past relationships, the 2nd longest one lasted only 8 months – most of them only a month or 2. her longest 3 years and 8 months, but that one was also her worst relationship too and her last serious lover. She also constantly goes on dates even though she claims she isn’t interested in being in a relationship. I really love this girl alot and I am a patient man – to a degree and I guess I am just wondering like I said at the beginning is this a woman who is. is emotionally immature, suffering from severe insecurities and low self-esteem, or of there is maybe a more severe issue at hand, something that may require medication and what should I do during the low points when she gets all depressive and pulling away and quiet?
    Thank you

  2. She is like a poison, a poison that gets you high while slowly killing you at the same time. Believe me I know exactly what you are going through. Your story is very very similar to mine. Trust me the best thing to do is to walk away. It hurts but it will help you in the long run. She can never be satisfied. It will ruin you

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