How To Get Over a Break Up

Breaking up stinks. There’s just no two ways about it. When you’re going through a break up, the world you knew has just came to an end. At least, that’s the way its seems. You’re lonely, disappointed, jealous, hurt, angry and bored. If you were broken up with, you’re may lose your confidence and wonder if you’re worthy of being loved. (You are, by the way.) That’s a lot of emotions to go through when you’ve just had a breakup, so here is a guide to breaking up with your loved one.

How To Get Over a Breakup

1. Let It Out – Don’t be afraid to cry about your break up. Get angry, as long as your anger doesn’t take a physical manifestation. Purge your emotions. Don’t keep it bottled up. When you don’t work through your emotions, they will linger for a longer period of time and often manifest in crazier and crazier ways. So purge your emotions from the start.

The one caveat is to avoid crying and getting angry around your ex. This is in no way going to attract them back to you. You’ll end up looking like a fool and they will have less of an opinion of you. Your friends are what crying and working through your anger are for.

2. Examine Why This Happened – Don’t just assume that your break up happened because of some failing of yours. Examine your partner and see what it was he/she wanted or needed that caused this relationship to end. Remember, it takes two people to come together for a romance. It only takes one person to jump ship.

A lot of times, the original reasons you got together change, or your circumstances change. For instance, you get into a relationship with woman, then one of the two of you move out of town for college or a job. Suddenly, you find yourself in a long-distance relationship. These relationships can work, but not if one person needs to see their romantic other every single day. If a person needs that kind of attention, there’s nothing the other person can do to make the relationship work.

There are a hundred other circumstances that can change a relationship. Sometimes, just growing older creates different expectations or needs for a person. Maybe one person finds their career or “money” more important than romance. Maybe one person begins to explore their faith or spiritual matters, and they want a partner with similar beliefs. Maybe a person decides they don’t want to be tied down to a relationship, or that they haven’t experienced enough and have a romantic “wanderlust”. The point being, it’s not always your fault when someone breaks up with you.

If you come to the conclusion that you did something that drove the other person away, ask yourself whether this same behavior is likely to drive another person away. If so, then modify that behavior. Don’t fall into a pattern where you’re constantly driving away your love partner. If you were too jealous or controlling, try a more casual approach next time. If you neglected the time you spent with this person, try to put more into the relationship next time. It goes without saying that, if you have a core value that you don’t want to compromise, you shouldn’t modify that behavior. For instance, if you’ve decided you don’t want to have sex until a certain point in your life and your boyfriend or girlfriend decides that won’t work for them, the two of you were incompatible. The lesson isn’t to compromise your morals, but to

3. Keep Your Distance – Don’t relive the past, which is what a person is doing when they try to see their ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. If you aren’t trying to relive the past, you are trying to recreate what once was. If either of these applies to you or your ex-, make a clean break and don’t maintain an ongoing relationship with your ex – at least for the time being.

That’s right. Don’t call, don’t text, don’t instant message, don’t send emails, don’t get together to study homework or anything of that sort. When you break up, you’ll get this person out of your mind quicker if you entirely break away. No contact at all is best. If you broke up, it’s kinder to stay away from your ex. If you were broken up with, you’re better off moving on. Otherwise, one of the two of you is likely to have an agenda. Feelings are likely to get hurt, or you won’t be able to concentrate on what’s important: moving on.

Once the two of you are “over the relationship”, you can work on becoming platonic friends again. Maybe. Don’t worry about any of that now, though.

4. Don’t Obsess – It’s natural to think about what was and what might have been, and it’s natural to wonder what they are doing at the moment. But do not obsess about your broken up relationship. This leads to no good place.

Try your best to get your mind off the doomed romance. The better you are at doing this, the quicker you’ll get over your breakup.

You’ll think about it. Just don’t think about it all day and all night. Don’t make yourself sick obsessing about your break up. Eventually, you’ll find that you think about it less and less naturally. It usually takes 1-2 months for a teen to stop obsessing about a break up – or about 5 minutes, if they have another cute boy or girl interested.

5. Work Through Your “Hate Phase” – There are five stages of grieving. One of those is anger (hate). When you get angry for you ex breaking up with you, or wasting your time, or cheating on you, or saying nasty things about you, deal with it. Get this out in the privacy of your own home or around your friends, but not in public. Keep a straight face and don’t let them know you hurt you, but confront your anger in positive ways that you aren’t going to regret later.

6. Create a War Journal – Write down your feelings about the relationship and about your break up. Go over how you feel and pour out your emotions onto your journal. Get it all out. Also, try to get to the truth. Don’t edit your emotions thinking this journal might be seen by somone else (make sure it isn’t), but be honest to the best of your knowledge why the break up happpened.

When you’ve gotten used to the break up itself, start to write down why the romance didn’t work and why your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend wasn’t right for you. Write down why you weren’t right for one another. Write down the things you didn’t like about her. Once again, be honest about your feelings in this way.

The idea is to avoid deluding yourself about the breakup and to demystify the broken relationship itself. In the end, being honest and laying it on the line will allow you to see why the relationship ended badly and stop kicking yourself for all the “woulda, shoulda and coulda been” feelings you have.

7. Stay Active & Think About Dating Again – I know how you’re feeling right now, that you’ll never meet someone who will be a better fit than him or her. Maybe they looked or acted exactly how you wanted them to and you thought you were a perfect fit. Just remember, someone new will come along. The quicker they do, the quicker you’ll get over the break up.

So don’t fall into the trap of refusing to consider another date or meeting someone of the opposite sex. In the end, the best revenge is living well. The best way to get over a broken heart is to fall in love again. It won’t seem as bad once you have a new romance to console you about the old one.


  1. JEAN BARBEE says:

    I wish it was as easy as writing it down for someone else to read!

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