How to Get Through a Break Up
We know that “breaking up is hard to do” — and no matter if you called the relationship off or if you got dumped, leaving a relationship is taxing.
Everything hurts after a break up, from the empty space in the bed where your lover used to be to not having that special someone to call on the phone when you needed a boost. Too often, we deal with the pain of a breakup by rushing back into the arms of the person we just split up with, and that can be disastrous mentally and physically.
The best ways to get over a breakup are the methods you use to prepare you to deal with the emotional consequences of breaking up. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to get through pain, and the pain of a broken relationship is no different. Rather than drowning your sorrows in a bottle or becoming emotionally numb, use these ten methods of dealing with a breakup to end your relationship in a healthy way — and make sure you’re prepared for your next relationship.
1. Learn to Escape the “Friend Zone”
If your ex has suggested the old “let’s be friends” routine, take time to seriously consider what that means. Where is it written that we have to be pals with people who broke our hearts? A relationship is usually over when a breakup happens — in fact, there’s simply no such thing as being friends with your ex right off the bat. Given some time, the two of you can be friendly with each other, but staying close with a person you were so attached to can only mean disaster, especially if either of you starts to pursue another relationship any time soon. Avoiding the friend zone means no phone calls, no emails, and no random hookups.
2. Reject Negativity
Surely you got all your crying done immediately after your breakup. Once you’ve done the boo-hooing and the snotty tears, it is time to move on from sadness and negativity. If you are feeling sad or lonely, acknowledge it out loud (even to yourself if you must) but don’t sit in it and soak. Getting up and going somewhere is the best medicine. Negativity is a trap, and before you fall into it, try and find a friend, join a gym, or just take a walk.
3. No More Drunk Dialing
We’ve all been victims (or maybe perpetrators) of the old “drunk dial”. When you mix shots of tequila with an active cell phone, disaster is sure to follow. The impule to ask your ex partner all those nitpicky and ridiculous questions we all have is a meaningless exercise in sadness. Think about it — are you really ready to hear the answers? The easiest way to avoid the drunk dialing trap is to remove or block phone numbers from your phone. You can always add them again later if you become friendly, but there’s no way you two are meant to be on the phone right now, especially intoxicated.
4. Don’t Look for a Replacement Lover
Whether you call it a “jump off” or a rebound, finding someone as quick as you can to fill your empty heart is a bad move. You’re just going to pass on all that pain you’re feeling to your next partner anyway. By taking the time you need to heal up, you can avoid spreading your bad attitude and making your own life more miserable in the process.
Move your furniture around, change individual pieces of furniture, or even move into another apartment if it is viable. You need a change of scenery to get over a breakup — and even if you don’t “need” it, it will help. Apply a fresh layer of paint to your home’s interior to reflect the change in you.
6. Get the Demons Out of Your Bed
Some people use burning sage to chase the demons out of their bedroom. You don’t have to go all hippy dippy with it — a little bit of incense or a candle should do the trick. After that, flip your mattress (or buy a new one), get rid of your bedsheets, and change your bedroom to match your changed relationship status. Rest easier by creating a new sleeping space for yourself — and do your next partner a favor by changing the sheets that you and your lover slept on together.
7. Learn Your Lesson
Evaluate the five w’s of your relationship — who, what, where, when, and why. What was your part in your breakup? It is time to stop blaming your ex for everything. Establish what you learned from this ex-relationship that you can apply to your future ones. This is called “healing”.
8. Take Time For Yourself
Just because you no longer have a partner doesn’t mean you don’t need to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, when you can, even though the tendency after a breakup is to pig out on chocolate and beer. At the same time, pampering yourself is a great idea post breakup. Go to the salon or barbershop and get a new style, or buy new clothes. The old slogan “be better, not bitter” should be your mantra.
9. Get Over It, Stupid!
If you’ve gone through the previous eight steps, you should be ready to simply get over your breakup and move on. By now your head is feeling differently, your living space has changed, and you have a new cute hairstyle or wardrobe to impress with. Now is also a great time to box up your ex’s stuff and leave it on their porch — what could be a sad situation turns into an empowering one.
10. Surround Yourself with Good People
Make a list of the people that are really important to you — and remember that some people will love you regardless. People want to help you, so reach out to those that love you and let them know you need their support. You can never have “too much” goodness in your life after a breakup, so depend on your safety net a little. I’m sure you’ve been there to help them before.
No breakup is easy, be it with a friend or a lover. There’s no guarantee that going through these ten steps to a healthy breakup response will make your life a walk in the park, but if you go into your healing period with a positive attitude and the right kind of people around you for support, your transition from a relationship into the single life will be smooth, and you’ll be better prepared for your rebound.