Tips for Hand Holding on a Date
Learning how to hold hands on a date can be a scary process, because you’re dealing with the stark difference between romance and rejection. Between those two is a chasm that many young men are afraid to fall into. Holding hands is a good first step, an intermediate point that allows you to gauge your date’s interest.
When you contemplate the horrors of a hand holding rejection: think of it this way: this young lady is already going on a date with you. That’s a good sign. If you have a good time and don’t botch the hand hold, the two of you could be boyfriend and girlfriend in no time. But trying to hold hands can be awkward to initiate, so here’s a guide for holding hands for guys.
You girls out there can apply the same lesson, if that cute guy seems to be hesitating. Believe me, if you’re pretty sure he likes you, he wants to be holding your hand. He just hasn’t read this article yet.
Preparing to Hold Hands
First of all, be ready to hold hands and let a girl into your personal space. This means to be showered and clean. This means you are wearing clean clothes. This means you have on deodorant and probably a nice smelling cologne. You also want to have brushed your teeth and have fresh smelling breath, because the two of you are right on one another.
Also, make sure your palms aren’t sweaty. If they are, subtly wipe them off before you initiate hand contact. All of this should be common sense, but it needs to be pointed out.
Test the Waters
Test out whether how she reacts to gentle body contact. When you talk to her, touch her on the arm, elbow or shoulder and give it the gentlest of squeezes. Don’t hold on or leave your hand there. Make it subtle and gentle, almost like a nudge or tap. (Don’t nudge her, though.) Notice her reaction.
If she draws away from this, she’s probably not into you. Another option is that she’s shy and not used to body contact, a little repressed and leery of body contact or (more likely) not really into you. If the gentle contact is met with repulse, back off. If you continually go where she doesn’t want to go, you become creepy. Just play it cool and go on as if nothing happened.
If she doesn’t draw away, but seems to not mind or enjoy the contact, it’s time to start thinking about hand holding. In many cases, she’ll initiate further contact with you. That’s a sign that she like you and things are probably okay for hand holding.
One good way for the two of you to draw closer together is to talk a little softly (in a whisper). Lean in when you do. That’s naturally going to draw her in, if she wants to be nearer to you. Don’t overdo this, because you become the low talker or the “whispery” dude. But play around with it a little and see where it goes. Hopefully, the two of you begin to share personal space and draw closer to one another.
Be Spontaneous and Take a Risk
Luck goes to the bold. Once you have a chance and you feel like things are going in the right direction, don’t dither and hesitate. Be casual and place your hand on hers. Don’t lurch forward and grab her hand. Make it as subtle as possible. Place your hand on hers and see how she reacts. She’s going to do one of three things.
One, she’s going to take hold of your hand. If that’s the case, great: hold hands with your new girlfriend. Two, she’s not going to draw away, but she will keep her hand next to yours, either out of shyness or confusion. If she keeps your hands together, gently hold her hand. Going on talking and be casual, but give her a pleasant smile the next time your eyes lock. Three, she pulls her hand away. We’ll get to that possibility on the next point.
Another option is to run your fingers down her forearm and wrist and she her reaction. That’s a sensual way to initiate holding hands, because that’s a sensation she’s probably not used to feeling.
Find a Good Spot
When you initiate your first hand holding (attempt), make sure it’s in a romantic spot. Go for a walk on the beach, in the park or in the woods. If you go somewhere romantic to park, that’s a good place to hold hands. The movies, of course, are the classic place for hand holding.
The idea is that the place is dark and the two of you want to show affection for one another. If she pulls away, let it go. While it’s not exactly heart-warming good news if she draws back when you try to hold her hand, that doesn’t necessarily mean she’s not into you. As you’ll see later, she might be embarrassed or self-conscious, even if she likes you.
If she isn’t into you, pouting, getting angry or stressing over the botched hand-hold to the point of distraction isn’t going to help your cause. Play it cool and casual and go on with the evening like it doesn’t matter. She probably won’t be into you either way, but if you show it’s no big deal, that’s impressive. It makes you look like you have other options or you have game, which is never a bad thing. Whether you feel like you just got punched in the gut or not, don’t show it.
Pick Your Moment
Some dates are embarrassed or shy about holding hands in public. This doesn’t necessarily mean the person doesn’t like you. It might indicate they are just self-conscious. So don’t try to establish hand holding in a public place.
Even if your boyfriend or girlfriend is happy to hold hands with you in the dark or away from people, they might not be comfortable with public shows of affection, for pretty much the same reasons. So pick your spots and use trial-and-error to know when your girl or guy wants you to hold hands. If they don’t seem comfortable with holding hands among people, respect their sensibilities.
Tips for Holding Hands
When you starting holding hands, hold her hand firmly, yet gently. Don’t clutch at her hand. Don’t crush her hand. Be strong and reassuring, not brutish. There’s a certain skill to the art of hand holding. It’s like the say with the baseball bat: you’ll hit the ball further if you loosen your grip just a little bit.