How to Improve a Long Distance Relationship

Before the arrival of the internet, long distance relationships were not that common. When they did occur, it was usually because someone that was already in a relationship had to move away for something like a job promotion or to go to school. Sometimes you might meet someone while on vacation or traveling which resulted in a long distance relationship.

Keeping in touch was not as easy or, at the least, not as convenient. You either had to call long distance and eat that big phone bill every month or you had to resort to snail mail and send letters. If that happened, you’d better have decent penmanship or the person on the other end would be left deciphering your hieroglyph-like handwriting.

With the arrival of the internet and the increase in cell phone technology, long distance relationships are much more common and convenient. Not only do you have more options for keeping in touch with a special someone, you can do it much cheaper and more frequently.

How to Improve Your Long Distance Relationship

Nothing compares to the feeling of just being together. Yet sometimes you don’t always have that option. For whatever reason, sometimes you have to be apart. It is challenging and can truly test a relationship. However, there are some tips and techniques you can try to help keep that feeling of intimacy alive despite the miles.

  1. Long Distance Relationships & WebcamsGet a webcam. These days they are pretty affordable and just about any computer built within the last few years can run one. Email is nice but a webcam, where you can at least see the person’s image as they chat with you, is so much better. Also good if you want to get a little intimate visually. Just make sure the person you are showing off to is alone and not in a room full of people.
  2. Send that special someone a care package or maybe flowers. Make sure it is a surprise because nothing beats a surprise. Also make sure it is something they will like and appreciate. Don’t send him Season Three of Gilmore Girls on DVD unless you know he likes that sort of stuff. And for you guys, if she thinks that chocolate is evil because it makes her fat, go for the flowers instead. One of the perks of the internet is that you can arrange for a flower delivery no matter how far away you live from your partner.
  3. If you don’t have internet access all the time (or are on a trip without your trusty laptop) then schedule a time maybe once a week for a phone call.Phone calls are always a good method of making an intimate connection across a distance. Timing is everything in this so make sure you call at a time when you and that someone will be least busy. At night before bed is usually a good time. Nothing like falling asleep while remembering a loved one’s voice.
  4. Long Distance RelationshipLove notes are a great way to stay personal despite the distance that separates you.Yes, you can do the same thing with an email. The difference is that a love note, sent through the mail, is more personal, more physical. Email cannot compete against a handwritten note on special stationary. A handwritten note can be carried with a person and they won’t need their computer to re-read it over and over.
  5. Leave quick voice mails on the person’s cell phone. Just a little note that says something like “I love you and miss you. Hope you have a great day”. This will be appreciated, especially if the person is having a rough day.
  6. Resolve any conflicts or arguments over the phone, never through email. Emails can be misleading sometimes which can cause more harm than good. Work things out over the phone so that you can be clear and not have any misunderstandings.
  7. Plan the occasional visit. Surprise visits are a nice concept but in reality are not always practical. You may arrive in town to find he or she is up to their armpits in work and unable to spend time with you.
  8. Try to share costs on things. If they paid for airfare to come see you, then you should try to cover it next time. Or cover expenses for the rest of the visit. Don’t let one parson pay for everything.
  9. When considering visiting each other, try to occasionally meet in the middle somewhere. This is great because it’s like a mini vacation for both parties and saves on costs.
  10. When visiting, don’t agonize over planning every second that the two of you are together. Try to just enjoy the time instead of stressing over maximizing the time.
  11. Find someone other than your significant other that can give you moral support in dealing with your long distance relationship.
  12. Be prepared for those low moments in the relationship. These are times when you will wonder if it will ever work. Get some self-help books and material that can help you deal with the emotional stress.
  13. Learn to trust your partner. If you wonder where they are every time you leave a message, it will build distrust and flaw the relationship.
  14. Cultivate patience. This is especially important if that distant someone is planning on coming back, such as when they graduate from school, within a certain amount of time.
  15. Improving Relationship PlansMake plans for when the two of you will finally be together without the distance. This will give you something to look forward to for the future.
  16. Never let the distance be a barrier to how a normal couple in a relationship would behave all the time.Don’t hold back just because the two of you are not together all the time.
  17. Photos are one of the best ways to keep a relationship alive and healthy despite any distances. Give (or send) your significant other photos of yourself and/or the two of you together. There are new digital frames with changing images that you can buy. There are even some frames where you can record your voice into it.
  18. If you are internet savvy enough, keep an online blog that the significant other can read. Just like a journal, you can post your thoughts and feelings as well as your activities. This way that special someone, even if you don’t talk that day, can still keep track of your life.
  19. Send that special someone an item of clothing that carries your perfume or cologne. They can keep that item close to them and the fragrance will be a constant reminder of you.
  20. Set up a shared time with that distant partner. Once a day at a specific time, both of you stop and do the exact same thing. Whether it is a little prayer or just a little message said to one another, knowing that you each do it will increase the intimacy of the relationship.
  21. I have heard of a long distance couple that sent each other a houseplant to nurture and take care of. As long as they were apart, they took care of this plant. When they finally got together, they planted the two plants side by side at their new home. Very romantic.
  22. Keep a scrapbook of the two of you and your time together. This is a great way to remember the great times when the two of you are apart.
  23. Try sending something personal to each other. This can be anything from clothing, jewelry, favorite hat or music cd, or whatever. Whatever it is, whenever that person sees the item, it will always remind them of you.
  24. Make an agreement of what each of you expect from the relationship. Make sure that you are both on the same page. That way one of you won’t think you are serious while the other mistakenly thinks you are free to play the field.
  25. Be committed and make the relationship a priority. Don’t cancel chat time, phone calls, or visits on other things that you could probably do at any other time.
  26. Practice honesty. When a relationship is already strained by being apart, you can’t afford to be dishonest with each other. The relationship just doesn’t need any more stress.
  27. Spending Quality Time TogetherIf one of you is moving away, try to spend a lot of quality time togetherbefore you have to be apart.
  28. Listen to your special someone if they are having problems in their life away from you.Whether it is work, school, or something more personal, show them that despite the miles, you are still there for them.
  29. Be sure to share about your likes and dislikes. If your partner has some sort of passion, be sure to try to share in those likes and dislikes.
  30. Maintain some rules and restrictions about the relationship. Make sure each of you know what is okay and what is not. If you don’t want him going out and flirting with other girls (even if it is harmless), let them know.
  31. Never ever make assumptions about a long distance relationship. Never assume your partner is aware of your feelings. You should always practice good communication.
  32. Try to maintain the same working and social hours. If you are working during the times that they are off, it will be a real strain on the relationship because it will limit the amount of time you have to communicate with each other.
  33. Even if you and that other someone are crazy about each other, you need to both agree on what to expect when the two of you finally get together.Decide whether you want to get married, whether you want kids, where the two of you will live. If you cannot agree on any one of these points, it may be time to reconsider the relationship.
  34. Connect on an emotional level, not just a physical level. It’s easy to fall for physical attraction but to make a long distance relationship work you really need to be able to talk to the person as a friend.
  35. Create memorable moments together. While I mentioned above not to stress too much about planning every second together, you should still plan to do one or two something specials when you get together.
  36. Don’t be afraid to flirt and be a little naughty in emails or on the phone.Physical interests is an important part of a relationship and since the distance keeps things from getting physically intimate, playing mind games with each other keeps things fun.
  37. Don’t be controlling. If you try to control the relationship, especially from a distance, is a sure-fire way to end a relationship.
  38. Be flexible. If you and your special someone plan a visit but they cannot make it, don’t freak out. Figure out a time that best suits both of your schedules and plan again. Don’t make concrete plans.
  39. Try to think that things will get easier over time. If the two of you can manage to stay close despite being apart, then you are bound to beat the odds and stay together.
  40. Always be yourself when the two of you get together. Never try to be on your best behavior the entire time or to act like someone you are not. You need the other person to see the real you in everyday life. Otherwise, they are not falling in love with the real you.
  41. Know Each Other's Social CircleYou should get to know each other’s social circle.Find out what kind of friends they hang out with and see whether you get along with them or not. If your special someone likes to hang out in biker bars but you prefer the quilting circle, you may need to reconsider the relationship.
  42. If your partner sets up a visit to come see you, try to give your partner your undivided attention. It can be difficult to do but if they went through the trouble to come see you, clear your schedule.
  43. Never end a communication in the middle of an argument. Don’t get mad and hang up the phone or drop out of a chat. That is a sign you are giving up. Work it out if you are serious about the relationship.
  44. Reminisce about special times during your relationship such as the first time you met or your first date. Those memories help to keep the bond between you tight.
  45. Start a special project to surprise them with the next time you see them.You might want to remodel a part of the house or create a special room for them, such as a “guy’s room”, or something else that you think they would love.
  46. Manage your time away from each other. If you have a load of work to finish at your job, get it done so that you can take of and go visit that someone or so that they can come visit you. Don’t leave things unfinished or you may be forced to do them when that someone comes to visit you.
  47. Learn to deal with those lonely moments. Rely on your friends and social contacts or take up a hobby to keep busy. If you don’t take care of yourself, then the relationship will suffer.
  48. Plan on taking a vacation together. This would be an extended period of togetherness with just the two of you. It is a great time to reconnect and remind each other why you fell in love in the first place.
  49. Spend some time together during the holidays with the other person’s family. This is a great test of compatibility because it gives you a chance to see how they act around the people that matter to them. If he is a Momma’s boy or she is treated like Daddy’s Princess, you need to find out now.
  50. And above all else, be accessible to that special someone. If you spend so much time dealing with your normal life that you don’t return phone calls or emails, then that other person will begin to think that they don’t matter. Don’t get wrapped up too much in yourself. No matter how far apart you are, be there for them.


  1. irah luiese says:

    hello my name is inlove with the guy whom i met trough dating site..i live here in the Philippines (i am Filipina/asian)and he’s living in Europe.It all start nice.We also met here in my country to see and feel each other in real life.Its all fun and nice.. WE have lots of Good times(memorable).I always make a nice surprise to him to make our date more fun and unforgettable.. like filling the toilet mirror with small paperd(1/8 size) with love quotes and good morning). We’ve been chatting now for 6 months(i guess?)..

    But now our chatting was not good as before..I always got upset on our chatting..sometime i get paranoid(was thinking that his cheating on me but he’s not)..
    i just want to see his face CAm to cam but not always possible..

    we only get to chance to see each other every after 2 weeks cuz of my work..but we always chatting every week days..And email at week end (Saturday and Sunday).

    I admit that i always jealous,.. :( im trying to control it..what should we do to fix this? :(
    I LOVE HIM :( ..we try to fix my “jealous behavior”..and we still working on it until now..

  2. Im in love with this 22 yr old whose away studying. Its hard for us to see each other since i have some restriction in visitng the country and she is so busy with medical school. For the pass few months things gave gotten bad with me thinking that the relationship is no more because she never had time for me and was always busy and when she got home she always sleeeping.

    she visited early in hte year and stayed for a few months where we had lots of great moments with the occasional bad times, bad times with me thinking that she was cheating on me.

    we are now trying to make things better and i do hope it works because i love her so much and i dont see my life being complete without her

  3. I am in the US Air Force and currently deployed with Operation Enduring Freedom for six + months. This is my second deployment. My first was easy because I was single with no roots at home station. This time around is a thousand times harder. Four months before I shipped out I met a girl who I fell in love with immediately. She is the world to me, and I plan to propose to her when I step off the plane this winter. Many people doubt the love her and I share and ask me, “You’ve only been dating a few months and want to marry her?” I reply with a simple, “Yes.” I knew she was the one the day we met.

    If deploying to a combat zone while in a relationship is tough, imagine how difficult it is to deploy to that same combat zone while in the first few months of the relationship. Her and I are still in the “get to know you” phase. Every day is an uphill battle of communication, trust, and emotion. Just the other night through Facebook a message was sent to me that was misconstrued because I cannot differ tone of voice via text. I took the message as offensive, where in reality was only a harmless joke. I blew it out of proportion and said goodnight to her. Never have I tossed and turned in my sleep so much. I regret not talking things through with her. I woke up to a slew of upsetting Tweets that instantly made me feel like a jackass.

    The bottom line is this. I have learned just in the past 48 hours that communication is the most important aspect, the KEY, to a functioning long distance relationship. Like the article above says, sometimes internet conversation just doesn’t cut it. The best way to resolve issues is by phone. I learned a lesson, and I hope that you take my experience to heart and demonstrate it in your relationship.

    Stay strong for me babe.
    I love you.

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