If you try to figure out how to transition from casual dating to serious dating on your own, you will probably fail. If the transition from a casual relationship to a serious one hasn’t happened on its own, it is time for drastic measures on your part. Decide if you’re prepared for an “all or nothing ” approach to this relationship . . . some people refer to this behavior as “kill or cure”. If you’re ready to transition to a serious relationship, the methods required to go about that transition will either “kill” your relationship altogether or you’ll be “cured” into a serious long term relationship. The beginning of your transition from casual to serious is asking yourself three questions — “why, when, and how”. If you’re ready to act drastically in order to get what you want, this list of tips is for you.
- Figure out why you want to move from a casual dating relationship to something more serious. If you’re this determined to move your casual dates into the realm of “serious long term dating”, there’s got to be an underlying reason. Are you simply ready to jump in bed with someone, or is there something more serious at work here? Understanding your own feelings about a relationship is the first step in the old “kill or cure” method.
- Once you’ve got your head wrapped around the “why”, it is time to decide when. When are you going to make the moves that will either kill your casual dating setup or cure your heartache? Maybe you’ve got a little extra time . . . maybe your heart isn’t as ready to jump into something serious as soon as your body is. If, on the other hand, you can’t go another day without amping up the relationship (or getting rid of it), you’ll need to act fast. Once you’ve established the “why” and the “when”, the next logical step is the “how”.
- The “how” of transitioning from a casual dating relationship to something serious is the hardest part of the whole equation. If you’re truly in it to win it, if you’re looking for a “kill or cure” approach to amping up your casual dates, the sky is the limit. You could tell your date outright exactly how you feel, why you feel it, and when you think it needs to happen. Go ahead and throw in the caveat that “if this doesn’t happen now (or soon), then we need to stop seeing each other.” Sure, it sounds like a threat — hell, it is a threat — but if you’re in a do or die situation, you sometimes have to drop threats. A more sensitive approach to transitioning from casual to serious dating would be to bring the topic up in a gentle conversational way, avoiding the harsh language and “threats”. Look — if this relationship isn’t going to grow on its own, you’ll have to push it in the direction you want.
- Outside of talking your way into a serious relationship, there are a few other “how” options. My personal favorite is the short vacation or “road trip”. Plan a short, casually romantic trip for you and your casual date (including a night spent together in a hotel) and gauge your date’s reaction. If your date loves the idea, bring up your need to transition to more serious dating while on the trip. This trip will “prove” to you and your date that a serious relationship is possible between the two of you. If an overnight stay is too much for your partner, it may be time to move on from your casual dating relationship to a “just friends” kind of thing.