Romantic love letters are great to receive from someone we love. Romance and a good love letter walk hand-in-hand. An honest and revealing love letter will often tell us something about our romance we didn’t know before, and can draw a couple together through the process of “opening up” emotionally. If properly timed and properly executed, a love letter can inspire both lovers to a new understanding of one another and a new commitment to their dating relationship. In the age of the internet and online dating, writing love letters in electronic form can be a major part of an online dating relationship.
With all of that in mind, I want to give my own insight into love letters for both guys and girls. I’ll tell guys what has worked for me and what has fallen flat when I’ve written love letters in the past. I’ll also give women analysis of a few of the more memorable love letters I’ve received over the years (of the thousand of letters women in love with me have written – don’t I wish!). Actually, I feel like the old-fashioned love letter is something I have had experience with receiving, so women wanting to know how to write a man a love letter can read one man’s opinion.
Love Letters – Advice for Men
Guys wanting to write love letters to their girlfriend, fiance or wife should practice restraint. Less is more. You have to remember that women aren’t going to expect their men to write them a thoughtful love letter. The act of doing so is going to be touching to them, especially if you and she are new to the concept of dating, romance and relationships. You want to gush about how she makes you feel, but there are few stages of a relationship when gushing about your unbridled love is going to come off well.
If you write before she goes out with you, you’re going to come off as needy. If you write a love letter after your first date, then you are going to come off as clingy. If you write a love letter after she breaks up with you, you’re likely to write something in anger. One of the truisms of dating is, when a woman is no longer attracted to you, she’s no longer attracted to you. No amount of words is going to change that. In that case, saying how you feel might be appropriate, but violently-written shows off affection will be a further turn-off. Keep your dignity. Let her know you aren’t happy with the breakup. Then go live your life. Especially in teen dating relationships, things might come around, but not through you writing book-length love letters.
When Is a Love Letter Appropriate?
Here are a few cases when writing a love letter might be appropriate. One, when you’ve had a big fight. Write a love letter to apologize and let her know how you feel. Frankly, it would be better to say these words to her face, but if you still have anger, writing to her might be the better option. Another case similar to this is to write a love letter just after you have reconciled, simply reaffirming your feelings about the reconciliation.
Two, you might write a love letter after a time of great intimacy. Perhaps after your first time “together” or a particularly great date, just to drive home the point about how much you care about her. In these cases, I wouldn’t linger too long on the sentiments. You can overplay your hand rather quickly in these situations, or come off seeming too emotional and “womanly”. A better time to do this is after #3 happens.
Three, reply to her love letter with one of your own. In this case, make certain to address the specific subjects she addresses in her love letter. An exchange of love letters can draw two people closer, especially when you respond to her opening up her heart to you.
Four, when the two of you are apart. This lets her know she is in your mind. In lieu of being at one another’s sides, she can have a love letter to clasp tightly to her heart. Long distance romances generally stink in my experience, but an occasional love letter makes it better. I wouldn’t overplay my hand and write too many of these, though, or they lose their effect. This brings me to something specific I wanted to say.
Guys Writing Love Letters
I like to write, and relationships inspire a lot of emotions. When I was younger, I tended to write long love letters to my girlfriends. In retrospect, I think most of those were mistakes. Not big mistakes, but tactical errors. Taken from experience, I think you should make your love letters say more in fewer words. Each word will have more meaning and you won’t come off as an obsessive loser with too much time on his hands. Besides, women enjoy a mystery and it’s hard to be mysterious when you pour your heart out in a 9-page letter, back and front (as an example). You (the guy) may think a long letter is going to show deep feelings and a talent for words, but your girlfriend may think you’re needy.
That being said, women in love are going to love when their man shows his feelings with a few words. Remember, let her know how she makes you feel. Compliment her good qualities and don’t make it all physical qualities, because women receive that kind of compliment all the time. (Include a physical compliment, though, because women want to feel desirable.) But now matter what you write in a love letter, remember that this might end up in public view. It’s like sending a risque picture from your cellphone. Keep in mind that her friends are likely to end up seeing this letter, so when you’re writing a love letter, write like you are writing for a public audience.
Finally, be brief. Don’t do like I have just done and take eight paragraphs to get to a point. Write about what it is that you like/love/miss most about her, detail a specific instance in your relationship that enriched your life, tell her how she makes you feel. Don’t belabor the point. Get in; get out. If anything, leave her wanting more.
Girls Writing Love Letters
Believe it or not, I’ve received my share of love letters from women over the years. I’ve received love letters from women who admired me from afar (always flattering, usually moreso when you don’t know who the person is), love letters from girls I just started dating and who couldn’t get enough of my adorableness, and love letters from women I’d been in serious relationships from. I’ve even gotten a “Dear John” letter once or twice, though I don’t care to get into all of that (sound of violin music). I don’t exactly consider those “love letters”, anyway.
My favorite love letter was from a girlfriend I had dated upwards of a year at the time. She told me how good it was to laugh together and what it was like to be in one another’s arms, but what stood out was when she wrote that I made her feel secure. She had grown up in a broken home and had a lousy stepdad who encouraged her insecurities, so to know that I was enough of a man to make those insecurities go away was touching to me. Of course, our relationship eventually ended, because it turned into a long distance relationship and she was the kind of woman (as you can imagine) who needed a man around and not across the state. But I still remember that love letter all these years later.
Another love letter I had was from a woman who told me I was the most fun she had ever had. Despite thinking to myself that she must not have gotten out much prior to our relationship, it was extremely flattering. Another love letter was from a girl (teen years) who had broken up with me and whom I had chased way too long, who then decided she missed me after I had lost interest. This was a short love letter that I remember thinking wasn’t written so well, and I remember thinking to myself, “Man, she’s beautiful, but she isn’t very good with words, is she?”. We never got back together, because I decided she just enjoyed playing with young men’s hearts.
I also remember getting a love letter from a girl in a mental ward. It was a great love letter, because she was a talented writer. We had dated a few weeks and she was suddenly on suicide watch, mainly because she was a drama queen and had a bad home life (this might be a recurring theme, but then, I guess a lot of people had bad home lives growing up). I was young and dumb, so I remember thinking it was pretty neat getting a love letter from an unstable girl. Turns out we dated for a while, hated one another for another year, then became friends. She ended up being one of my favorite ex-girlfriends. She’s married now and has never been back in for mental examination – at least so far as I know.
Love Letters – Advice For Women
So what do you take from all the above? Guys like to get love letters, too. All these years later, I remember these love notes from the past. First of all, well-written and specific love letters are the best. If you aren’t much at writing, it’s probably better to show your affection in other ways, or else keep it very short.
Second, specificity is the key. Most of the time, men don’t have a clue what’s going on in the minds of the women they love. So when they get a love letter, it can give a guy an idea what it is that makes their woman love them so much. For instance, it never would have occurred to me that I would have the power to make a woman feel more secure about herself. It was flattering and educational at the same time. It strengthened our relationship and my understanding what it meant to her. The love letter also strengthened my understanding of my girlfriend.
Third, brevity is best. Most of the time, people are going to focus on one or two things from a letter or conversation. To make sure your man notices exactly what you want to convey in your love letter, don’t put a lot of other stuff in there. Just like with the guys: get in and get out.
Romantic Love Letters
In the end, men and women love to get love letters. When things are going right, there’s nothing more romantic than to get a forget-me-not from our partner. The idea that someone takes their time to analyze your romance and point out what is most important about your relationship is affirming. The very act of writing a love letter is touching to your loved one.
So guys and girls of the world, go out and write some good love letters. Get to the point, reveal a little something about yourself and compliment your lover about what it is that makes them so special to you. That’s the essence of a good love letter.