When giving out dating tips to people, men and women live in two entirely different worlds. Giving men dating advice generally is about how to attract women, how to flirt with women or how to “pick up” women. Womens’ dating tips center on a whole other range of questions, often to do with how to avoid the wrong kind of man.
Don’t get me wrong. Women probably need to remind themselves occasionally how to flirt with men and how to attract the right kind of man and all that relationship advice stuff, but honestly, women tend to be ahead of the curve in comparison to men when it comes to the laws of attraction. Women tend to care more about their smell and appearance and the interactions between people than men do, because guys tend to ignore all of that stuff until it becomes important to them sometime in their teen years.
So my dating tips for women will focus on remaining safe when dating the opposite sex. I’m a guy, so I’m assuming most women reading this know a lot more about attracting other guys than I do. But I’m also on the inside of the “guys’ world”, so I’m in the “Locker Room”, so to speak.
1. Never Give Out Too Much Information
Don’t give out specific information about yourself, either in a live or online dating relationship. When you meet a cute new guy, you have no idea what this person’s story is. So don’t give out your home phone or address or your primary email address. This way, if this man ends up being cracked and obsessive and you don’t want him around, it’s easier for you to disengage from the guy.
Never tell your personal routines. This kind of personal information can come later, and will make it harder for him to make your life hell if he doesn’t want to go away.
Like a guy. Be attracted to a guy. Just don’t trust the guy. Make him earn your trust over time.
2. Take It Slowly
Give the relationship time to develop. Give yourself a change to see this guy in action. Predatory men are often social chameleons, while guys you meet online have the detached nature of the internet to mask their personalities.
In online dating, I’ve found that people often are not the same in person that they are in real life. You’ve seen on internet message boards and forums how people seem to forget all the normal manners of society, saying things they would never say to a person face-to-face, because they are protected by their anonymity. Well, online anonymity works in other ways, too.
When you are talking with a person in an electronic format either through email, instant messaging, text messaging or an online dating forum, this gives the person on the other end a chance to edit their thoughts and words. This guy can carefully choose what they say, creating just the type of personality he wants. Heck, the person can out-and-out lie, knowing that his words are virtually impossible to verify. Online conversation is edited conversation, while live conversation is more akin to a rough draft.
Your best option is to avoid going too fast and get more information. When you collect more information, you might be able to find inconsistencies in what he says. If he’s lying about something, his lies will be harder to mask over time, as they multiply one on top of the other.
3. Meet In Public On the First Date
Never agree to meet in private on your first date. Meet at a mall or in a restaurant: anywhere there are a lot of other people. A meal or a coffee shop is a good place to get in some face time, getting a better impression of the guy while you decide whether this is someone you want to date.
I would suggest taking along a friend or arranging a double date, but this means you’ll have less time one-on-one. If you don’t meet him in front of your friends, then I would suggest you let a friend or family member know exactly where you are meeting and have a pre-arranged phone call throughout the night so someone will know what you’re doing and how the date is going. Also, plan to have a call at the end of the night, so your friends or family will know immediately (if you don’t call) that something hasn’t gone as planned.
4. Share the Price Tag on the First Date
You don’t need to feel like you “owe” a men something on a first date, or in any way feel indebted to a guy. So make certain you go dutch on the first date, so you feel no pressure or guilt if you decide to cut out early. If you get an uneasy feeling about the man you are dating, but you feel guilty eating a pricey meal and then saying buy, you might end up staying in the date too long for your own good.
The best thing is to avoid a sense of obligation and keep things light for the first date. Either way, don’t linger too long if you feel like something isn’t quite right. Trust your gut if you have a bad feeling or it’s not working out. Frankly, if he’s a bad guy, you’re getting out a potentially dangerous situation as fast if possible. And if he’s a good guy, but you’re not attracted to him and want to get out, it’s kinder letting him know sooner rather than later. Be polite and avoid insulting him with how you end the date, but end the date.
Just remember – no obligation is good.
5. No Alcohol on the First Date
Here’s another good rule: no alcohol on the first date. A lot of people take the absolute opposite view of things, because alcohol is a “mood lifter” that makes them less nervous on a first date and lets them show off their personality like they might not otherwise. But I would argue that “no alcohol” is a better policy, for safety reasons and for personality reasons.
First, if you’re judgment is impaired in any way by alcohol, you’re less likely to make the right call when it comes to a dangerous dating situation. A first date puts enough conflicting thoughts in your mind, so you shouldn’t try to muddle it up with a few drinks.
Second, you want to make a good first impression, and alcohol often lowers your inhibitions and lessens your control over the kind of impression you’re making. You’re more likely to say something offensive or insulting when you’ve had a few drinks. You’re more likely to give out too much information, and as they say, familiarity breeds contempt. That’s not always the case, of course, but if you give out a bunch of embarrassing information about yourself and this new guy doesn’t know all the good, attractive info, he’s less likely to walk away with a positive impression of you.
Now, don’t get me wrong: I’m not a teetotaler. I like a well-placed drink of alcohol. It’s just not a good idea on a first date, or the first time you’re alone with a man.
All of the above womens’ dating suggestions are meant to make you safer when you’re starting to date a man. These dating tips assume that you have the attraction part down. Frankly, teenage boys and young men are pretty easy to figure out. We like pretty girls with good personalities. We like pretty women with bad personalities. Physical attraction is a big part of the equation with younger men, so wear attractive clothing, smell nice and smile and you’re probably going to attract a lot of guys. You get the idea.
But while you’re attracting nice young men, you’ll also attract a few creeps. So keep up a few defenses to make certain you are dating safely.