Dating Zen
How To Date Insecure Women
How to Date an Insecure Woman
Knowing how to date insecure women is one of those invaluable skills that will make your life so much easier. This may surprise you, but like men, most women in this world have their insecurities. Call it baggage. Each of us are dealing with the outcomes of our childhood and the events of our adult life, and so many of those experiences are going to cause insecurity in people.
Long story short, it’s likely you’re going to date multiple insecure women in your lifetime. You can either fight through the crazy twists and turns of personal insecurity and defense mechanisms, or you can learn how to date an insecure woman. Once you understand some of the common things to look for, the reasons these exist and how you deal with insecurities, your life and her life are going to be a lot more pleasant and satisfying.
1. Focus on Her in Public
Try not to gaze at other women when you’re in her presence. If she catches you catching a glimpse of the hot blonde in the short skirt across the room, that’s going to play into her natural feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. She’s likely to put up defense mechanisms that are going to make your life miserable and make it harder to bond with her.
You and I both know that guys look at attractive women for no reason at all. Just because we think a woman is attractive, that doesn’t mean we think our own girlfriend is lacking. But she doesn’t look at it that way.
So when the two of you are in public together, give her your undivided attention and maintain eye contact as much as appropriate.
2. Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep
It’s natural for guys to say they’re going to be somewhere at a certain time and then show up late, or occasionally not at all. You might imply you “might come” and then decide not to show. Don’t do that.
More common is the late arrival. Being late shows you would rather be somewhere else, whether you consciously think that or not. Even if you want to be with her, she’s likely to read your tardiness as a sign she’s not important to you.
In the end, you need to stick by your commitments, even the little ones like showing up at 8:00. Once she realizes she can trust you to keep your word, you’ll start breaking through the tangle of her insecurities.
Be where you say you’re going to be, when you say you’re going to be there.
3. Admit Mistakes Immediately
When you’re wrong about something in your relationship, show accountability and admit you were wrong. No guy likes to admit he was wrong, but it happens to the best of us. Don’t let her catch you in lies. If you lie about what you did or where you were, go ahead and admit it to her before she catches you in a lie.
Being caught in a lie destroys trust. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s a big lie or a small lie. The natural reaction is to say, “If he lied to me about this, what else is he lying to me about?”
4. Maintain Contact, But Not Too Much
This one is a tricky one and you can take it too far, so read carefully what I’m about to write. If the two of you are in a relationship where the default weekend night is the two of you going out together, then when the two of you don’t, you need to check in with her and let you know.
That is, call her and let her know what’s up. If you’re with your friends and going to hang out, tell her and don’t just assume she’s going to understand. If you don’t make the phone call, she’s going to be sitting around wondering what’s happening out there and her anxieties and insecurities are going to kick into overdrive.
Make one call. Call her once. That is, don’t let her convince you that you should check in with her all night. That’s unreasonable and co-dependent and simply not very healthy. If she reasonably expects to be going out with you that night, you owe her a call. She isn’t your mother, though. You don’t owe her an hourly report and she doesn’t have the right to interrogate you.
That is, if you’re doing what’s right, she needs to trust you. Either you’re with your friends or you’re with her. Don’t be the guy who keeps calling his sweetie every hour on the hour. That isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. Don’t encourage her insecure feelings, which is exactly what you’re doing when you agree to an hourly status report throughout the night.
You want to be understanding – not a pushover. Secure women and insecure women won’t respect you if you give into her every unreasonable whim, and your relationship will be worse off for it.
5. Listen When She Speaks
Guys have a habit of only half-hearing what a woman is saying, especially when there’s a distraction in the room like tv, movies, music, games or friends. Guys also tend to have tunnel vision, so when I say you are “half hearing” what she’s saying, you’re probably not hearing a darned word she’s saying. Your insecure woman will figure that out almost immediately and it’s not going to be pretty.
When she’s talking to you, make sure you give her your undivided attention. When you seem to be ignoring her, she’s going to feel inadequate and insignificant and her security isses will start up again.
6. Communicate
Talk to her about your day and your life. Tell her little details about what you did today. It may seem trivial and mundane, but you will demystify these hours you spend away from her. Tell her about your trip to the store or the car wash. Let he know about what you and your friends are doing.
This is a courtesy, more than a privilege on her part. The absence of information is going to give free rein to her imagination, though. If you won’t use basic communication to tell her what’s up in her life, an insecure woman is going to think you have something to hide, even if you don’t.
Good communication is the key to a stable relationship. You don’t have to be a panty waist or a wimp to be a good communicator. You want to be reassuring, that’s all.
Don’t Let Insecurity Become a Way of Life
From all of this, you might get the idea I’m telling you to kowtow to your woman. That’s not the case at all. Most of what I’m talking about is common courtesy. All of my tips on how to date insecure women is meant to allay their fears and insecurities. Her state of anxiety about you should be temporary.
While most of what I advised is something you should continue throughout your relationship, if things appear to be getting worse, don’t let an insecure woman control your life. If she becomes jealous, controlling or paranoid, don’t let her get away with being unreasonable. You should maintain your self-respect, while showing her respect.
Relationships are based on respect and trust. Those two go hand-in-hand. If you do everything I’ve suggested above and her insecurities continue to grow, that is not your fault. Ask yourself if the respect you’ve shown her is being reciprocated. If not, demand that respect or get out of the relationship.
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This entry was posted on Friday, January 29th, 2010 at 6:08 pm and is filed under Dating, Dating Tips, Relationship. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
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