We know that “breaking up is hard to do” — and no matter if you called the relationship off or if you got dumped, leaving a relationship is taxing.

Everything hurts after a break up, from the empty space in the bed where your lover used to be to not having that special someone to call on the phone when you needed a boost. Too often, we deal with the pain of a breakup by rushing back into the arms of the person we just split up with, and that can be disastrous mentally and physically.

The best ways to get over a breakup are the methods you use to prepare you to deal with the emotional consequences of breaking up. There are healthy and unhealthy ways to get through pain, and the pain of a broken relationship is no different. Rather than drowning your sorrows in a bottle or becoming emotionally numb, use these ten methods of dealing with a breakup to end your relationship in a healthy way — and make sure you’re prepared for your next relationship.

1. Learn to Escape the “Friend Zone”

If your ex has suggested the old “let’s be friends” routine, take time to seriously consider what that means. Where is it written that we have to be pals with people who broke our hearts? A relationship is usually over when a breakup happens — in fact, there’s simply no such thing as being friends with your ex right off the bat. Given some time, the two of you can be friendly with each other, but staying close with a person you were so attached to can only mean disaster, especially if either of you starts to pursue another relationship any time soon. Avoiding the friend zone means no phone calls, no emails, and no random hookups.

2. Reject Negativity

Surely you got all your crying done immediately after your breakup. Once you’ve done the boo-hooing and the snotty tears, it is time to move on from sadness and negativity. If you are feeling sad or lonely, acknowledge it out loud (even to yourself if you must) but don’t sit in it and soak. Getting up and going somewhere is the best medicine. Negativity is a trap, and before you fall into it, try and find a friend, join a gym, or just take a walk.

3. No More Drunk Dialing

We’ve all been victims (or maybe perpetrators) of the old “drunk dial”. When you mix shots of tequila with an active cell phone, disaster is sure to follow. The impule to ask your ex partner all those nitpicky and ridiculous questions we all have is a meaningless exercise in sadness. Think about it — are you really ready to hear the answers? The easiest way to avoid the drunk dialing trap is to remove or block phone numbers from your phone. You can always add them again later if you become friendly, but there’s no way you two are meant to be on the phone right now, especially intoxicated.

4. Don’t Look for a Replacement Lover

Whether you call it a “jump off” or a rebound, finding someone as quick as you can to fill your empty heart is a bad move. You’re just going to pass on all that pain you’re feeling to your next partner anyway. By taking the time you need to heal up, you can avoid spreading your bad attitude and making your own life more miserable in the process.

5. Rearrange

Move your furniture around, change individual pieces of furniture, or even move into another apartment if it is viable. You need a change of scenery to get over a breakup — and even if you don’t “need” it, it will help. Apply a fresh layer of paint to your home’s interior to reflect the change in you.

6. Get the Demons Out of Your Bed

Some people use burning sage to chase the demons out of their bedroom. You don’t have to go all hippy dippy with it — a little bit of incense or a candle should do the trick. After that, flip your mattress (or buy a new one), get rid of your bedsheets, and change your bedroom to match your changed relationship status. Rest easier by creating a new sleeping space for yourself — and do your next partner a favor by changing the sheets that you and your lover slept on together.

7. Learn Your Lesson

Evaluate the five w’s of your relationship — who, what, where, when, and why. What was your part in your breakup? It is time to stop blaming your ex for everything. Establish what you learned from this ex-relationship that you can apply to your future ones. This is called “healing”.

8. Take Time For Yourself

Just because you no longer have a partner doesn’t mean you don’t need to take care of yourself. Eat healthy, when you can, even though the tendency after a breakup is to pig out on chocolate and beer. At the same time, pampering yourself is a great idea post breakup. Go to the salon or barbershop and get a new style, or buy new clothes. The old slogan “be better, not bitter” should be your mantra.

9. Get Over It, Stupid!

If you’ve gone through the previous eight steps, you should be ready to simply get over your breakup and move on. By now your head is feeling differently, your living space has changed, and you have a new cute hairstyle or wardrobe to impress with. Now is also a great time to box up your ex’s stuff and leave it on their porch — what could be a sad situation turns into an empowering one.

10. Surround Yourself with Good People

Make a list of the people that are really important to you — and remember that some people will love you regardless. People want to help you, so reach out to those that love you and let them know you need their support. You can never have “too much” goodness in your life after a breakup, so depend on your safety net a little. I’m sure you’ve been there to help them before.

No breakup is easy, be it with a friend or a lover. There’s no guarantee that going through these ten steps to a healthy breakup response will make your life a walk in the park, but if you go into your healing period with a positive attitude and the right kind of people around you for support, your transition from a relationship into the single life will be smooth, and you’ll be better prepared for your rebound.

Your divorce is a fact of life. Your marriage has ended, despite any attempts you made to save it, and whether it was a terrible event or a blessing in disguise, you have to deal with the various consequences. The good news is that if you’re thinking about how to date again, you have probably already gone through most of the terrible feelings and events associated with a divorce. This doesn’t mean that you are fully healed, but simply that you may be ready to consider re-entering the dating world.

The way you feel after a divorce isn’t exactly ideal for dating. You will feel dissapointment, shame, sadness, maybe even a feeling of humiliation. You may wonder if there’s any point in starting over or if it is even possible to find the right person for you. The old adage that time heals all wounds may or may not be true — you may be ready to date again in a very short period of time after your divorce, or you may need years before you’re ready to step into the dating pool.

Divorce and Dating Statistics

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, ninety percent of all people will marry at some point in their lives but only about half of those first marriages will not end in a divorce. With so many divorces happening around the country, it is no surprise that the number of women and men living alone has doubled or even tripled, estimates ranging from 23 to 28 million single people living by themselves. The good news is that of those divorced after a first marriage, nearly another ninety percent of them will marry again.

One thing to watch out for — as divorcees get older they tend to date less and less. In a study conducted by the University of Michigan Institute for Social Research, it was found that fifty percent of 18-year-olds go out on a date at least once a week, compared with only twenty-five percent of people aged 32. Don’t be alarmed by that statistic — convince yourself that you won’t be part of the dateless majority and remember that dating is possible at all stages of life.

Develop New Support Systems

After a divorce, it is only natural for you to seek out old friends. We all need support after life changing events, and old friends can supply memories and optimism that divorcees need. Old friends are far more likely to have your own best interest in mind — but don’t overlook the power of new friends. Since your whole life is new, new friends ease the adjustment period.

One reason to make new friends instead of relying on old is that divorces are often messy, with friends parceled out like so many possessions. People can’t help but take sides, even though it is unhealthy, and it will be hard to introduce someone new into your life if you’re having old friend drama. Sometimes people will be jealous of your newfound divorced life and freedom, so in those cases it is best to develop new associations.

Pay Attention to Your Self Worth

Divorce creates an air of low self esteem. That same low self esteem creates unhealthy relationships with people who see our low self esteem and prey on it, even unintentionally. If you’re suffering from a low self esteem post divorce (and mos people are) it is crucial that you rebuild your concept of self, a more positive way of looking at your life.

Though it sounds cheesy, you should start down the path of good self esteem by making a list of your good qualities. Make an honest list and keep it where you can see it often. If you have a good support group or a close family member who will take you seriously, show your list to those people who care about you and ask for their genuine feedback as soon as you’re ready to hear it. The point of this is to clear up your own (possibly confused) self evaluation and be more realistic about yourself. As you make this list, think of some positive affirmations that you can build into your daily routine. Reading this affirmations aloud will help strengthen your self worth and remind you of your new post divorce goals.

Prepare for the Downsides

Certain times of the year will be more difficult after a divorce. Whether it is a holiday, an anniversary or birthday, or even the anniversary of your divorce, those times will be hard to deal with, especially if you’re trying to date. If you’re feeling a heavy sense of loss or loneliness, dating may be the worst thing to do. That’s why dating should be avoided for some people at certain times, especially soon after a divorce.

Your first Christmas or holiday season without your ex will be one of the toughest times post-divorce. The weeks leading up to a holiday are included — all of your traditions are disrupted and those disruptions are a constant reminder that you no longer share that closeness with a person you love. Fear that you’ll never find someone special against could lead to poor dating choices, just to numb the pain of the holidays.

If you are having trouble with feelings about your divorce, adding a new person to your social mix could be unwise. Instead, focus on the connections you already have built in, like those with family or friends. Diverting your attention from the divorce blues (like hosting a holiday party or taking part in community activities) is crucial to maintaining a good post-divorce dating attitude.

Experts on stress and grief tell us that planning for the sad times is as important as anything else in reducing divorce stress and allowing yourself to meet and befriend new people. The key to overcoming the doldrums of divorce could be simply asking for help, whether you want help finding new activities or help with overwhelming stress. If you focus on your past holiday activities, you’ll never get back into the dating scene. Focus instead on your current and future holidays and interactions.

Dating after a divorce is a necessary part of recovery. As long as you are awawre of your self worth and prepare for the possible downsides of life after a divorce (and have a support system built in) you can return to normalcy in very little time.

So you’ve just gotten engaged and you couldn’t be happier. Depending on the length of your engagement, it may be just a few short months until you go from a blushing fiancee to a blushing bride (or groom). What next? Weddings seem like impossibly difficult events to plan, between feeding and entertaining your guest list and making sure your big day is perfect for you, there’s a reason why an entire industry has been built up around the planning and execution of weddings.

Here are ten basic steps to planning a wedding, from the earliest steps of gathering a guest list to the final touches like sending out Thank You cards and putting together a wedding album, you don’t have to spend tons of money on a wedding planner to have the wedding of your dreams.

1. Set the Date

You can pick your wedding date for any number of reasons. Some people want to get married on a romantic day, such as their first date anniversary, Valentine’s Day, or any date that you as a couple hold dear. Whatever date you pick, make sure it doesn’t run up against another big day. For instance, Election Day or Super Bowl Sunday may not be the best days to have a wedding.

2. Draw Up Your Budget

Deciding on a proper budget for your wedding ceremony should be easy — you know how much money you have to spend. The hard part is sticking to your budget. Figure out who is paying for what (if you have parental support) and set it down in writing. Remember to plan a wedding that is within your means. There’s no use going broke before the two of you ever set foot on a Honeymoon.

3. Put Together a Guest List

You can’t plan a wedding without knowing how many people will be there. That’s why the guest list is crucial before you do any more planning. Everything from reception food to your wedding site are affected by the guest list. You must set the guest list before you buy invitations or make any announcements. There are two main schools of thought for the guest list — either invite everyone in the world or just a select few participants. Sit down as a couple and decide what size wedding you want to have.

4. Make Proper Announcements

The first people you want to call are your personal “A List” of people — best friends and close relatives of both the bride and groom. After you make these phone calls, it is time to decide if you want to make a newspaper announcement and to write the announcement together.

5. Music and Flowers

Couples tend to fight more about the nitpicky details of a wedding than any larger issue. The bride or groom may each have to give in a little when it comes to picking things like music, flowers, food, and the like. The music and flowers at a wedding set the mood and are usually the main things people remember about your big day. Use the music and flowers to express your indivudal style, but don’t go too far off the deep end.

6. Find a Photographer

In recent years, there’s been a movement away from a traditional wedding photographer and toward using a family friend or even cameras handed out to wedding guests for official wedding photos. Photographers are expensive, and the easy access we now have to digital photo technology means an amateur photographer can do an excellent job of documenting a wedding ceremony. Whether you go for a pro or an amateur, make sure they understand what you expect from your photos.

7. Plan the Ceremony and Reception

Sounds simple, right? The good news is, your wedding site can handle many of these details for you. Wedding locations have experience satisfying the needs of a newly married couple, and they know the traditional wedding ceremony routine as well as more contemporary styles of wedding ceremonies. Talk to the wedding site and include both partners in the decisions about the ceremony and reception itself.

8. Find Transportation

Make sure your guests have easy access to vehicles (shuttles, cars, limousines, etc) that get them to the wedding site, otherwise your ceremony could be held up by late or confused guests.

9. Don’t Forget Your Wedding Vows!

You can go with the traditional vows (easy to find on the Internet or in books) or you can compose your own special wedding vows. Either way, don’t let it slip through the cracks.

10. Write Thank You Cards

After the hustle and excitement of your ceremony, it can be easy to forget to thank people for their contributions. Thank You cards go a long way toward keeping the family peace, even if you hated the coaster set your Aunt Martha gave you. If you really want to impress people, send Thank Yous to the photographer, the band or DJ, the priest or other wedding official, and the wedding site itself.

Of course there are more steps to planning a perfect wedding than this, but these items will get you started on the path to a great wedding day. Getting engaged to the person you love should be one of the most memorable moments of your life. What better than spending the rest of your days with someone who cares deeply about you, and who you care deeply about? The first few weeks after the wedding proposal come with dizzy feelings of joy and frightening feelings of anticipation and nervous energy. Remember that a wedding is little more than an official celebration of two people’s love and commitment, it doesn’t have to be an over the top fiasco or a source of tension.

While you are planning your wonderful wedding day, make sure to take time and feel the joy that comes with marriage. Nervous feelings and anxiety are normal — any time you organized an event of this magnitude, you are going to feel a huge responsibility. The long and happy days of your marriage are more than enough payoff for the work you do now to plan your wedding.

Regardless of how many girls you see on G4 talking about gaming, video game culture is a boy’s club. Sure, there’s the occasional sexy girl gamer with a penchant for first person shooters, but most men will eventually be forced to relinquish their video game controller at the urging of their girlfriend. The best way to keep your girlfriend and your games around is to use the social aspect of gaming along with a few “girl friendly” game ideas to slowly but surely numb your girlfriend to the idea that video games are a part of your life. Your girlfriend may never be a part of your Resident Evil marathon, but with a little luck she could end up sitting next to you playing along at least some of the time.

1. The first step on the long road to developing your hot girlfriend into a hot gamer is to figure out what (if any) gaming experience she has. You can just come out and ask her if she’s ever played video games before. Remember that there are many game hobbyists who play an occasional game but don’t leave a butt imprint on the ground in front of the console like you do. Whether she played Mario games as a child or dabbles with Java games on the Internet, any foundation in gaming will help you figure out what kind of games she may enjoy.

2. Use the old “quality time” argument. Tell your girlfriend that if she joins you in your pursuit of gaming, the two of you will naturally spend more time together. The tough part is that to enjoy this time together, she has to be having fun as well. This is treacherous ground, and if she doesn’t go for this argument, you need to back off and try another tactic.

3. Finding a game that your non-gamer girlfriend will like is pretty tough. You’ve spent your lifetime building a taste for specific games and you know what you like. This is where game rental becomes important — rather than buying the first “girl oriented” game you see on the shelves (let me know if you find one), rent a few games and let her try them out. Remember that your mission is to get her to play games along with you, so you may want to introduce her to the style of games you like. Don’t rent games for her that you’d never play, otherwise you won’t be spending any time together at all. While we’re on the subject, remember that lots of people are intimidated by a game’s complex controls. Try to introduce games to your girlfriend on “easy” setting and using games with basic controls.

Since we’re trying to convince your girlfriend to waste hours and hours with you tapping buttons, you should look for games that are multi-player or co-operative. Sure, the two of you can go back and forth playing single player rounds, but (again) that’s not exactly quality time.

4. Don’t assume that all girls will like the games that are aimed their way. Yes, many girls will enjoy “all-ages” games like Katamari Damacy, or the Lego Star Wars series, but allow your girlfriend to name her own preference. Just because some girls hate gore doesn’t mean that your girlfriend will hate Resident Evil or Grand Theft Auto. What we can say about female preferences is that females tend toward games with complex plotlines and well developed characters — the good news is that most games today are designed that way these days. The point is that you give your girlfriend the freedom to make her own choices — this doesn’t just work in video games either. Unless your girl has a good sense of humor or a dark streak, you may want to avoid games with lots of sex and violence.

5. Now that you’ve helped her pick out some games she may like, remember to have fun. Anything the two of you do together that gets you laughing and having fun will be a positive thing in her eyes. Joking, being goofy, and generally doing anything you can to make her laugh will impress the idea on her that video games are fun. Make the point of your gaming time together to spend that elusive ‘quality time’ with her, not on winning a game or improving your gaming prowess. You may also need to prepare to assist her if she has difficulty with a particular game. All of us gamers get stuck in a game at one time or another, but you have to build a good balance of helping her and letting her learn on her own.

6. Teaching your girl to love video games is a time to show off your ability to be “Mr. Supportive”. You’ve already told her that learning to game is easy,and that she will eventually catch on to the controls, right? Now it may be time to let her win. The easiest way to hang a dark cloud over your relationship is to get frustrated because your girl can’t beat the simplest of levels. Remember that you didn’t become the awesome gamer you are today overnight.

7. Give your girlfriend some time alone to practice if she wants it. This not only shows your willingness to spend a little time away from her, it also makes her a better gamer. How many times did you have someone standing over you shouting instructions at you? That’s what I thought.

Once your girlfriend masters the basic button combinations and controls, make sure and let her sink or swim on her own. You can help if she wants the help, but telling her every little thing she did wrong during that one really hard Legend of Zelda level will make you seem like a self-involved jerk. Video games aren’t fun when they are mandatory or when you have a teacher hanging on your every move, so give her some breathing room.

Gaming is fast becoming a big part of our culture. As video game enthusiasts get older (and new generations of gamers are born), the percentage of gamers to non-gamers becomes more favorable. It is highly likely that your next girlfriend enjoys playing the Wii or already has an interest in computer games like the Sims. Build on those interests, introduce new games that she may be into, and clear a space on your filthy carpet for your new gaming friend.

The ominously titled Sexual Dysfunction Association made a big splash in the 90s by announcing that February 14th would be “National Impotence Day”. There’s another little holiday we celebrate on that day — maybe you’ve heard of it. The expected aim of capitalizing on Valentine’s Day was to raise awareness of the problem of impotence in both men and women.

Different studies into the prevalence of impotency report different findings, but most experts agree that around ten percent of otherwise healthy men and about the same percentage of women suffer from impotence. What are some ways people can increase their libido?

Aphrodisiacs

Some people swear by aphrodisiacs — food or drink that excite the libido and increase sexual pleasure — while others find them distasteful, ineffective, or even physically harmful. When we suggest using aphrodisiacs to increase your sexual appetite, we’re not talking about the mythical Spanish Fly (a poison called Cantharidin that is secreted by a specific beetle) or a bottle of red wine, though the latter may do the trick. Modern research into aphrodisiacs suggests that some things we eat and drink really do affect our ability to perform sexually.

Some aphrodisiacs go back as far as human civilization. Pumpkin seeds have been used at least since the time of the Pharoahs of Egypt to ignite both men and women’s sexual appetite. Egyptians also ate certain kinds of nuts (like Brazil nuts and almonds) to speed up the action in the bedroom. Science tends to support these three foods’ aphrodisiac claims, as all three are rich in an amino acid called arginine which increases blood flow to the genital area. Called “natural Viagra” by some nutritionists, pumpkin seeds are all the rage when it comes to increasing female sexual appetite. After a nutrionist made an appearance on a popular American talk show to discuss the value of pumpkin seeds in female sexual activation, grocery stores reported shortages of the seeds all over the country.

Medication and Medical Treatment

The commercials are impossible to escape — magazines and television are so full of ads for drugs meant to cure erectile dysfunction (or ED) you’d think every man in the world had trouble getting an erection. A decade after the apperance of Viagra, more and more couples are finding that a little blue pill is all that stands in the way of sexual enjoyment.

Viagra is the greatest single success story in the history of pharmacology,at least from a business perspective. It is the fastest-selling medication ever, and for good reason. be careful when pursuing better sex through chemistry, as often male sexual dysfunction and ED are caused by a physical problem such as diabetes, heart disease, and stroke. Doctors say that ED can be the first sign of trouble in the blood vessels, since the veins in the penis are the smallest in the human body.

Rather than just asking your doctor for Viagra, make sure your health is okay if you start experiencing erectile dysfunction. Medication like Viagra works well to increase blood flow to the penis, making it easy for men to enjoy sexual activity.

Counselling

Though it may not sound as exciting as eating a fistful of Brazil nuts and turning up the Barry White, sometimes mental health counselling is required to get a person back to their optimum sexual health. Just like with depression or other mental health issues, medication is not always the answer for libido problems. Medication is almost never the complete answer to our sexual problems. The manufacturers of Viagre have even admitted that a full 50% of men who start a course of Viagra (or another ED treamtnet like Cialis) stop taking the medication within one year. Viagra is a miracle drug for many men with libido problems, but it doesn’t act as a cure all for relationship ills that may be at the heart of your sexual problems. Communication, often in the form of couples counselling, is sometimes required.

Confronting the problem of impotence can go a long way to curing it. Because of the stereotype that men are virile and think about nothing but sex it can be difficult for them just to admit that they have intimacy problems. The best aphrodisiacs and ED drugs can’t replace good old fashioned love. Even if all of your body parts are in working order, it is common for an emotional problem to prevent two people from enjoying their love life. Simply being able to maintain an erection doesn’t mean your libido is up, but counselling with your partner in cooperation with a doctor approved medication regimen could be the silver bullet for your impotency problems.

Meditation and Spirituality

If you’ve already tried aphrodisiacs, medication, and couples counselling, the final tactic for increasing both male and female libido is the simple act of meditation. The old saying goes that our largest sex organ is our brain — sex happens in the brain (even for men) before it ever happens in the genitals. This means when you’re feeling upbeat and happy, your sex life functions fairly well and it is easy to become aroused. When you suddenly find your libido hitting the floor, it is likely because of a psychological problem such as depression.

Boredom is the enemy of sex, as is low self esteem, tiredness, and physical changes like the birth of a child or a problem at work. Meditation and focus on the spiritual aspect of your life can clear your mind of these problems, or at least make them seem easier to deal with.

Though most of us will continue to think of February the 14th as Valentine’s Day, National Impotence Day is an important way of keeping the complex issue of impotence at the forefront of medical science. Impotence is more than just an inconvenience, it can destroy relationships and self esteem. By establishing National Impotence Day, people hope that men and women will stop pretending they have a problem with impotence and be more inclined to do something about it. If you are suffering from the condition of sexual impotence, you have plenty of avenues for support and treatment. Gone are the days when impotence wasn’t spoken about in polite company, and we know have more ways to deal with sexual dysfunction than ever before.

When people want to know about online dating, it’s hard to know where to start searching for answers. Some of the most basic questions are hard to find the answers to, when you’re brand new to the online dating scene.

With that in mind, I wanted to answer some of the most common online dating questions, so here’s an Internet dating FAQ for the readers out there.

How Many Poeple Use Online Dating Services?

According to “Online Dating Magazine“, approximately 20,000,000 people visit Internet dating websites every month.

When you consider that those aren’t necessarily the same 20 million people from month to month, consider how many people use online dating resources to enrich their lives every year.

If you meet someone online and start dating, don’t be afraid to talk about it. Just about anyone you talk to is going to know someone else who found love the same way.

Can You Find a Husband or Wife Online?

Absolutely.

Over 120,000 couples who met through dating online get married every year. You have as good of a chance of finding love online as you do finding it in your local bar – I suggest you’ll have a better selection of people.

Increase the scope of your love search exponentially by going online. There are more people, more options and more tools for finding romance than anywhere else. At a bar, you’re only sending out bait when you’re sitting on a stool. When dating online, your lures are out there 24/7.

Why Don’t People on Dating Sites Respond to My Emails?

There are several things to keep in mind. One, if you send an email to a non-paying customer, they might not be able to send a reply to you without paying. You might be charming, but you have to be pretty darned charming to get people to whip out their credit cards.

Two, you might not project a positive image. When I say “positive”, I mean it. People are more attracted to pleasant, positive people. Studies show that, time and again, people respond to positivity and optimism. That’s who people want to be around.

So when you fill out your profile or choose your online dating name, don’t use words like “lonely”, “sad”, “black”, “cynic”. Don’t talk about your divorce or how you aren’t that sure about Internet dating. Talk about the good, positive things in your life. Everybody has them.

Three, you might be asking questions or sending emails that are too generic. People get a lot of emails, so you want yours to stand out. Ask a person a question about something they said on their profile. Don’t make some random comment you could have made to anybody.

In fact, ask the other person questions, instead of talking about yourself. One thing you can depend on people being interested in is themselves, so don’t try to impress them with how brilliant you are, but how brilliantly incisive you are about them.

Besides, statistics show that people only get a reply on 1 out of 20 emails sent out to unique singles on online dating chats and IM’s. Even if you cut that in half with great communication skills, you’re not going to get a reply most of the time. So be specific, but be persistent, too.

What’s the Best Online Dating Website?

That depends on what you’re looking for: someone who likes to dance, a marriage partner, a swinging good time, Christians, cowboys, Jewish people, G&L, lots of different types. Niche singles websites exist to cater to a variety of different needs.

If you want a good all-purpose website where you have a good chance of getting people to reply to your emails and chats, try Lavalife. Lavalife lets non-premium customers (those that don’t pay) to respond to your messages, so that’s a site where you probably have the best chance of getting replies to your love shouts and emoticons.

Does Online Dating Still Have a Stigma?

Not really anymore. Change hits people in weird ways, socomputer dating was stigmatized back in the 1990′s as a place for computer nerds, social misfits and people who couldn’t get a date anywhere else.

That perception has completely changed in just over 10 years. Today, everybody has a computer. Everybody has Internet access, and probably high speed connections. Everyone in the world uses their pc for social networking and finding old friends, so why not use it for love?

The Internet was mainstream by about ’97 or ’98, which is when online dating started to become more accepted. 12 years later, nobody but the most antiquarian of people looks strangely at online dating. We’re the mainstream now, and they’re the fringe.

Am I Too Old to Date Online?

Never, never, never. In fact, seniors dating has never been robust. Not that I’m calling the 50+ crowd seniors, but the segment of the online dating population between 50 and 64 is the fastest-growing demographic, according to Lehman Brothers Equity Research.

In fact, if you’re getting into the gray years, the best place to find companionship is on the Web. Two-thirds of all seniors who start looking for a new partner look on the Internet. If you’re a little older and looking for a love or friendship, the Internet is your best friend.

Remember, there are sites specifically for your age bracket, no matter how old you are. Most of the bigger online dating websites have sections for senior dating, while every dating website online allows you to set age parameters for your dating interests.

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If your Internet dating life hasn’t been going well lately, learn tips for how to end your online dating cold streak.

Guys and girls who are in a dating slump wrack their brains trying to figure out what they’re doing wrong, but dating mistakes are sometimes hard to spot, if you’re in the middle of the habit.

Getting a few online dating tips help sort through the mess that singles life becomes sometimes.

People complain all the time that they don’t get enough follow-ups when people see their profile or get their emails, so here’s suggestions to try and pitfalls to avoid in the online dating community.

Be More Selective – Online Dating Advice for Men

Many men new to online dating websites tend to scattershoot: they send out dozens, if not hundreds, of generic winks and “hi’s” and emoticons. They assume that, if they put 300 buoys in the water, some lucky woman is bound to bite.

Instead, take your time, search through profiles of women you have things in common with and target your emails and chatlines to those women. Select likely love matches and put your effort into fewer profiles, but profiles that correspond to your likes and dislikes.

Be Less Selective – Online Dating Advice for Women

Women, on the other hand, tend to be a little too choosy in Internet dating cirlces. Because there’s a relationship site with thousands, if not millions, of available men, female online singles tend to raise their standards, sometimes to unrealistic levels.

If your profile says you only date men who make $150,000 a year, you’re probably not going to get many guys pinging you. You may be trying to separate the wheat from the chaff by raising the bar high, but this is probably driving away a lot of potentially good love matches.

Money isn’t the only parameter that hurts your chances. If you have unrealistic standards according to looks or location, this severely limits the scope of your online dating possibilities. The great thing about dating online is the huge pool of men to choose from, so reducing your options undercuts one of the great reasons to be dating online.

Avoid Generic Openings

First impressions are huge in live dating, and they’re huge in online dating. One of the great things about getting to know one another in a chat room, a forum or an email is that you can edit your thoughts. You have more time to be clever.

With that in mind, have a good opening line. Don’t throw out some generic line. Read the person’s profile and send an email tailored to that profile. Show you read what they wrote and found something interesting.

Not only does this show you’re interested in more than just their profile picture, but it stands out among all the other hellos and smiley faces this person is getting. Like online dating website tip #1, this is a matter of quality over quantity, taking the time to make one good opening, instead of 5 bad openings.

Have a Flattering Photo

Let’s talk about first impressions again. We’ve discussed pickup lines and opening sentences. But the first impression this guy or girl is going to have of you is your profile photographs. It’s pretty simply: if your photos suck, you suck.

Take time to post a good photograph of yourself. Dress up, take a nice photo with your smiling and post it. If you add any photos for the sake of “color”, making sure they’re flattering photos. Imagine this person is watching you perform whatever activity is being depicted in your picture, then ask yourself if you would want an attractive person of the opposite sex seeing you do that in person.

If the answer is “no”, then don’t post that as your profile picture.

Take a Hiatus

If nothing else seems to be working, take time off from online dating. Recharge your batteries. Get new stories and interests. Get some perspective.

People can try too hard.

In baseball, when a batter is in a slump, they do something called “pressing”. That is, they hold the bat too tightly. They swing too freely, or they swing for the fences too much. Whatever the case, they deviate from the plan and make the slump worse.

Getting away lets you clear your mind and refocus on what you’re doing. You get away and gain a little perspective. In baseball, they would call it getting your head on straight or “get your head right with ball”.

I know that’s terrible grammar, but it is ball field jargon. But enough with the sports talk.

Imagine an Internet dating slump, where you can’t think of one interesting thing to say to the opposite sex,  is like writer’s block. You simply can’t think of the right words…right now.

Take time to renew yourself. Rejuvenate. Get new inspiration.

Once you’re away for a little while, you’ll probably find your online dating life is fresher and brighter and you have something to say again.

There’s no one way to succeed in online dating and there’s no one way to end your online dating cold streak. One any or all of the techniques above, to see if it changes you luck in the singles world.

Best wishes.

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Let’s focus on some online dating success stories. We featured “Bad Dating Stories” the other day, which focused on the dark side of the singles scene. There are good dating stories to focus on, though.

We only have two love matches to report today, but both of them are wonderful tales of love and romance. The online dating singles forum sometimes lets people get to know one another better than any bar conversation will, because you have time to think about your feelings and the anonymity lets a person open up more than they might otherwise.

Online dating chats are all about, as Hamlet said, “words, words, words”. You have nothing to hide behind, as long as both people are honest. As you can see, that was the case in both of these instances, as two women each met a friend, lover and companion through web dating.

Online Dating Success Story #1 – Three is Enough

I was skeptical about Internet dating, because those people were always portrayed as freaks in the movies. So when my marriage ended in divorce and work and two kids didn’t leave me a lot of time and energy to meet guys, I decided to try an online dating website. I figured no one would know but me.

First, I filled out a profile at Match dotcom. Feeling embarrassed, I left it there for a few months. Months later, feeling lonely and not having many prospects for a relationship, I logged on to see what it looked like.

It was a rainy Saturday afternoon and the kids were at their Dad’s, so I had the rare time to read the comments and browse. One guy (Robert) who had tried contacting me the previous month caught my eye. Turns out he was online at the same time and we ended up chatting on IM for a couple of hours. Soon, I was laughing and having a good time.

Turned out that Robert was an hour and twenty minutes away and he was raising a daughter as a single father. That didn’t sound good to me, so I put the breaks on a face-to-face meeting. After about 6 weeks of chats on Match and Facebook, we decided to meet. The chemistry was immediate.

We dated off and on for a year. Our families met. Robert’s daughter wanted to move to a bigger school to play on a better sports team (tomboy) and we lived in a good school district, so the next thing you know, Robert got a transfer to move within 10 minutes of the house. The kids got along and everyone has a good attitude, so Robert and I will be married this June.

Online dating works.

- Elizabeth

Online Dating Success Story #2 – Forged in Tragedy

So I rejoined one of the big online dating communities after my relationship came crashing down in flames. I wasn’t looking for a serious relationship, but I wanted to jumpstart my social life again.

The next thing I know, I’ve met Travis. Turns out the two of us went to rival high schools in the same area and graduated the same year. Then it turned out we went to the same university, but never met. Travis and I had the same interests in music and movies and he looked hot in his profile pictures.

We took it slow at first, though. Travis was driving out of town on the weekends because of a family illness, so we became online penpals. Because of his family situation, Travis spent all his extra time on the road. We would each log on at 11pm and talk almost every night, sometimes for 2 minutes, sometimes for 2 hours.

In that time, I helped Travis deal with the loss of his mother to cancer. We became a whole lot closer than any online friends have any right to be, which was strange, since we had never seen one another face-to-face. Somehow, the impersonal nature of our connection let us connect in a way I never had with a man. I became his amateur shrink and his own personal clown, to help him through the bad times and give him something good to look forward to. At a point, I would give Travis his IM joke-of-the-day, which he asked for.

So his mother dies and I felt bad not attending the funeral, because I felt like I knew her. (I sent flowers.) Travis told me he didn’t want that to be our first meeting, but we agreed to meet about a month after.

We agreed that we had a good friendship, but neither of us knew whether we would have any romantic chemistry at all, after the way we met. The two of us discussed a date, but we also discussed expectations and how we might be better off as friends. Travis and I decided we would be totally honest with one another, if the sparks weren’t there. That’s an odd way to meet a romantic partner, we both agreed.

When we did finally meet, it took five minutes to realise there was tremendous chemistry. The physical attraction was wild, while the two of us felt like old friends. It was like some love affair in a movie. Once we met in person, it was only a matter of filling in the blanks: getting to know the voice, the touch, the smell.

That all came soon enough and Travis and I haven’t been apart since that first date. I couldn’t ask for a better relationship, one forged at a vulnerable time in one of our lives.

- Kira

Online Dating Stories

If you have any online dating success stories, or some only dating horror stories, feel free to send them to us.

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To show it’s not all wine and flowers, I’ve deciced to post a few “Bad Dating Stories” from readers of ours. I don’t want anyone thinking out there that people reading out how to guides, tutorials and good dating story posts that we’re trying to tell you that dating is easy.

In fact, singles life and dating can be excrutiating at times. That’s why we’re here with “Dating Online”, because we recognize how hard it can be. Just remember to keep a good sense of humor about you and maintain your perspective.

Sure, it hurts your feelings when someone rejects you. It might frustrate or even anger you when a first date you had big expectations for turns disastrous. But that’s just the way life in the romance jungle is.

Note: I’ll leave out the name signed at the end, to protect the innocent.

Bad Date Story #1

A boy in my school named Jacob asked me out for dinner and a movie. It was my first date. We went out and watched a scary movie (Paranormal Activities). I got scared and held his hand and thought we were going to kiss!

I waited for another date the next weekend, but nothing. Then he wouldn’t talk to me at school. Then I found out he was dating another girl at school (Jamie, ugh!). He was just using me to make another girl jealous. I’m so heartbroken!

Bad Date Story #2

I go out on a date with Brad. He has money and he talks about taking my kids to the zoo the next week. We have a nice dinner and a trip to a so-so concert, but it was nice.

We get home and I make the mistake of sleeping with him on the first date (hadn’t dated in a while). Next thing I know, Brad won’t answer my calls. I ask around and it turns out Brad isn’t interested in relationships – that he wanted another notch on the bedpost. That’s fine, but don’t drag my kids into it.

Bad Date Story #3

This guy (Blake) asks me out and I’m not sure, because he has a reputation. My girl friend (Amy) told me I should, because he was cute and other guys would notice. So we decide to double date.

On the date, the whole time, Blake is flirting with Amy and Amy is flirting with Blake. We have a good time, but I feel weird the whole time. The next week, I find out Amy has broken up with her boyfriend and Blake has asked her out.

Now, the two of them are dating and I lost one of my best girlfriends. I’m not speaking to Blake or Amy.

Bad Date Story #4

I get set up on a date with a woman (Becky) who was just coming out of a relationship. I knew it was a bad idea to start with, but I figured ‘why not’?

We go out dancing. We get drunk. Go home and have sex, so we start dating for a while.

A month in, she suddenly mentions one day that her ex called her. I knew what was coming. The next thing I knew, she was “confused” and “had feelings” and all that stuff. Only a matter of time, but she and her ex were together again in two weeks.

Word to the wise to the guys out there: if she mentions her ex, say goodbye. At least go out on your own terms. When their old boyfriend or husband comes into the picture, that means she already has a long history and she never wanted to be out of the relationship in the first place.

Bad Date Story #5

So I asked out a guy at school. He wasn’t that cute, but he was friends with my bf’s boyfriend and kinda cute. He said no and to leave him alone. My friend asked him why he said “no” and he told her I was ugly and he didn’t know me and he hated me.

Worse, he ended up asking out this other girl that I know I’m prettier than. They dated six weeks, but she went back to her ex. When they were dating, he told everyone I liked him and he turned me down. Then he told guys he thought I was ugly.

After they broke up, he had his friend ask me out for him. I said no. Gotta half “respec”.

Bad Date Story Reviews

As you can see, we get readers from all age groups and genders. There was another submission by another guy, but it ended with “but we had sex, so it can’t be all that bad”. Not sure if that qualifies, though the rest of the date sounded horrific.

Anyway, not sure if this was fun, but it was cathartic. Keep sending us your bad dating stories and we’ll post the ones that are appropriate.

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How To Date Insecure Women

Knowing how to date insecure women is one of those invaluable skills that will make your life so much easier. This may surprise you, but like men, most women in this world have their insecurities. Call it baggage. Each of us are dealing with the outcomes of our childhood and the events of our adult life, and so many of those experiences are going to cause insecurity in people.

Long story short, it’s likely you’re going to date multiple insecure women in your lifetime. You can either fight through the crazy twists and turns of personal insecurity and defense mechanisms, or you can learn how to date an insecure woman. Once you understand some of the common things to look for, the reasons these exist and how you deal with insecurities, your life and her life are going to be a lot more pleasant and satisfying.

1. Focus on Her in Public

Try not to gaze at other women when you’re in her presence. If she catches you catching a glimpse of the hot blonde in the short skirt across the room, that’s going to play into her natural feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. She’s likely to put up defense mechanisms that are going to make your life miserable and make it harder to bond with her.

You and I both know that guys look at attractive women for no reason at all. Just because we think a woman is attractive, that doesn’t mean we think our own girlfriend is lacking. But she doesn’t look at it that way.

So when the two of you are in public together, give her your undivided attention and maintain eye contact as much as appropriate.

2. Don’t Make Promises You Can’t Keep

It’s natural for guys to say they’re going to be somewhere at a certain time and then show up late, or occasionally not at all. You might imply you “might come” and then decide not to show. Don’t do that.

More common is the late arrival. Being late shows you would rather be somewhere else, whether you consciously think that or not. Even if you want to be with her, she’s likely to read your tardiness as a sign she’s not important to you.

In the end, you need to stick by your commitments, even the little ones like showing up at 8:00. Once she realizes she can trust you to keep your word, you’ll start breaking through the tangle of her insecurities.

Be where you say you’re going to be, when you say you’re going to be there.

3. Admit Mistakes Immediately

When you’re wrong about something in your relationship, show accountability and admit you were wrong. No guy likes to admit he was wrong, but it happens to the best of us. Don’t let her catch you in lies. If you lie about what you did or where you were, go ahead and admit it to her before she catches you in a lie.

Being caught in a lie destroys trust. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s a big lie or a small lie. The natural reaction is to say, “If he lied to me about this, what else is he lying to me about?”

4. Maintain Contact, But Not Too Much

This one is a tricky one and you can take it too far, so read carefully what I’m about to write. If the two of you are in a relationship where the default weekend night is the two of you going out together, then when the two of you don’t, you need to check in with her and let you know.

That is, call her and let her know what’s up. If you’re with your friends and going to hang out, tell her and don’t just assume she’s going to understand. If you don’t make the phone call, she’s going to be sitting around wondering what’s happening out there and her anxieties and insecurities are going to kick into overdrive.

Make one call. Call her once. That is, don’t let her convince you that you should check in with her all night. That’s unreasonable and co-dependent and simply not very healthy. If she reasonably expects to be going out with you that night, you owe her a call. She isn’t your mother, though. You don’t owe her an hourly report and she doesn’t have the right to interrogate you.

That is, if you’re doing what’s right, she needs to trust you. Either you’re with your friends or you’re with her. Don’t be the guy who keeps calling his sweetie every hour on the hour. That isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship. Don’t encourage her insecure feelings, which is exactly what you’re doing when you agree to an hourly status report throughout the night.

You want to be understanding – not a pushover. Secure women and insecure women won’t respect you if you give into her every unreasonable whim, and your relationship will be worse off for it.

5. Listen When She Speaks

Guys have a habit of only half-hearing what a woman is saying, especially when there’s a distraction in the room like tv, movies, music, games or friends. Guys also tend to have tunnel vision, so when I say you are “half hearing” what she’s saying, you’re probably not hearing a darned word she’s saying. Your insecure woman will figure that out almost immediately and it’s not going to be pretty.

When she’s talking to you, make sure you give her your undivided attention. When you seem to be ignoring her, she’s going to feel inadequate and insignificant and her security isses will start up again.

6. Communicate

Talk to her about your day and your life. Tell her little details about what you did today. It may seem trivial and mundane, but you will demystify these hours you spend away from her. Tell her about your trip to the store or the car wash. Let he know about what you and your friends are doing.

This is a courtesy, more than a privilege on her part. The absence of information is going to give free rein to her imagination, though. If you won’t use basic communication to tell her what’s up in her life, an insecure woman is going to think you have something to hide, even if you don’t.

Good communication is the key to a stable relationship. You don’t have to be a panty waist or a wimp to be a good communicator. You want to be reassuring, that’s all.

Don’t Let Insecurity Become a Way of Life

From all of this, you might get the idea I’m telling you to kowtow to your woman. That’s not the case at all. Most of what I’m talking about is common courtesy. All of my tips on how to date insecure women is meant to allay their fears and insecurities. Her state of anxiety about you should be temporary.

While most of what I advised is something you should continue throughout your relationship, if things appear to be getting worse, don’t let an insecure woman control your life. If she becomes jealous, controlling or paranoid, don’t let her get away with being unreasonable. You should maintain your self-respect, while showing her respect.

Relationships are based on respect and trust. Those two go hand-in-hand. If you do everything I’ve suggested above and her insecurities continue to grow, that is not your fault. Ask yourself if the respect you’ve shown her is being reciprocated. If not, demand that respect or get out of the relationship.

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